


Lazy Afternoons

by KaneNogami



Series: The Dawn Trio [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Childhood Friends, Gen, Growing up without a heart can mess you up, How do you cope with the past Ienzo has no idea, Lack of Communication, Mental Instability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-19 01:52:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 32,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13694400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaneNogami/pseuds/KaneNogami
Summary: Radiant Garden is slowly growing back into a beautiful world once more. A shame Ienzo doesn't remember how to care about it.Perhaps he grew too distant, or the weight of what happened still lingers above his head after all this time.Either way, taking a day off at the same time as Kairi and Lea is unfortunate. Now, he's stuck with them, but hey at least there is some ice-cream to compensate.





	1. Chapter 1

         The concept of a day off is unheard of, at least for Nobodies (the ones who focused on their mission, not the bunch of slackers). Ienzo, while aware the rule cannot be applied to him any longer, isn't convinced he ought to rest that much. There is something urgent about their goal, and ensuring the worlds won't fall into darkness one after another. Still, a part of him doesn't mind to merely stroll around the castle, as long as it doesn't turn into a habit. It doesn't ease the permanent ache where his heart is meant to be, nor it will do any good for his mistakes anyway. The burden can be pushed away, some days, just enough to exist, rather than awaiting for the others to be able to be fully alive once more and able to work alongside him. Ienzo has enough patience to last a lifetime in that regard. He will check on them like Aeleus does, bring food and ensure they won't work themselves to death again.

It would be a shame for Even to disappear this time around.

He doesn't have the strength to communicate with them on a personal level though. He is not who they want him to be. _Ienzo-who-is-not-Ienzo_ , he calls himself at times. Only when no one is around to hear. It's perhaps growing up without a heart, or merely having been stripped of any innocence too young, but no matter what he isn't the child they cared about. He feels absolutely no connection to the first Ienzo, or what he accomplished (ruining everything once more, unable to keep his family safe a second time). His emotions are dulled by the constant tasks he has to focus on. It's more convenient this way honestly. He is able to avoid reminiscing about what has been done. Studying, researching, these things come naturally. They do not require to ponder too much about his own existence. Or the fact he is meant to assist someone who got all of them murdered in one way or another.

This isn't entirely fair, as the Organization certainly sabotaged itself without Sora's interference.

That's another topic he would rather avoid.

 

           Ah, by refusing to accept any of this, and putting falsely cordial barriers between him and the wielders of light, he isn't going to improve at all. Not that Ienzo truly wishes to do anything about his own future. It'll happen nonetheless, in the same way what they did is beyond horrific, but it can't be erased. As he gets down the stairs, his gaze lingers on the old framed pictures. Dust has surely got enough time to accumulate around there. He refuses to be the one in charge of cleaning those though. Mostly because they do not bring any comforting feeling. And they are painfully too high, which is a completely different problem. While he refuses to dwell on the past, Ienzo remembers rather well Braig, Dilan and a ladder in the middle of the stairs in another lifetime, under the watchful gaze of Ansem. And the bruises which followed too. So much work for something that futile. Research is tangible. Family less so.

At the same time, it's not as bad as the giant portrait of Xehanort he still hasn't burned. Or stabbed. Ienzo isn't sure of how he should get rid of it. Turning it around has done the trick up to that point though. Aeleus suggested to simply throw it away, but it feels too easy.

Fingers brush against the wall as he reaches the backdoor of the castle, safely tucked in a corner of the kitchens. It's an old habit, one would say. Never been seen or heard, always ready to vanish in the shadows of Radiant Garden when no one was noticing. There was certainly a reason, something urging him to explore, or to flee. Ienzo-who-is-not-Ienzo doesn't remember.

Perhaps he has never known the answer in the first place.

 

           Life has returned around there. It remains a work in progress, although the restoration committee is doing well. Ienzo mostly avoids them, opting to allow the others to do the talking when they are feeling well enough to do so. It's not that he cares about the committee's distrust, as it's justified. But they have no time for his habit of rambling too much, nor he is interested in hearing tales of their mutual past. If anything, putting as much distance as possible between him and everyone makes Ienzo more efficient. He has always been prone to get too involved in his work, a trait he shares with Even.

At least, when he is focused, Ienzo doesn't notice the shadows lurking in the corner of his eyes as much as usual. Illusions are quite real, when they whisper against your ear and press cold and bony fingers against your neck. Are they a punishment or something he has always experienced? The ex-apprentice doesn't recall not having them around. Even if they used to be called night terrors by the others, when he was the other Ienzo. A shame they couldn't stick to the night schedule.

It would have made Zexion's existence a little less aggravating.

 

People have started to find their way back, filling old houses with new families. He doesn't mind much, as they usually do not know who he is until the castle is mentioned. It allows Ienzo to walk around without minding newcomers, while he tries to remember why he decided to give himself a break. Probably because he needs to take his mind off things like everyone else. Leaving a note for the others could have been an appropriate move, not that he cares.

At worst, it'll give them a slight feeling of déjà-vu like the ones they want to cling to so much.

_Oh look, Ienzo is gone once more, let's go out to drag him back._

Except two are not strong enough right now to do that at the moment. And Aeleus won't leave them on their own for that.

_Such a shame_.

 

          The fountain being surrounded by flowers is certainly a sight. Last time he came around there, the water wasn't running well, and he lacked a reason to linger around. Well, not that Ienzo is more interested than before in fountains. He knows how they work already, thank you very much. Nonetheless, there is quite the show happening in front of his eyes.

Funny how some people don't change much, Ienzo tells himself upon spotting Lea standing on top of the construction, keyblade on his shoulder. He vaguely hears him taunting his sparring partner, whose face is hidden by their hood. And then it starts, magic flowing around and their weapons colliding as the second jumps higher to reach him. Damage to public property has always been Lea's forte, thus Ienzo isn't surprised. If anything, he wonders why the other returned.

His mission has not been completed, or else he would have heard about it.

Well, if anyone bothered to communicate with the ex-apprentices in the first place.

For a while, he doesn't intervene, if only out of boredom. He has no reason to get involved into the sparring match after all, it's obviously far from a serious duel. It would be ideal if they didn't notice his presence, allowing Ienzo to retreat home without having to waste his time. Although the thought dissolves when a spark of electricity strikes too close to his feet. It's definitely not a warning, as they haven't noticed, too engrossed in their fight.

 

“After all this time, you're as unruly as ever, Lea.”

 

Does he enjoy to witness Lea's deer caught in headlights expression?Yes, very much so. Ienzo-who-is-not-Ienzo is certainly not Zexion either, although it doesn't mean he is willing to give Lea-who-is-not-Axel an absolution for his crimes.

 

“I would have expected you to show more restraint towards this place.” After all, they witnessed it being destroyed once.

 

As weapons are banished, he walks forwards, sitting on the fountain ledge close to them. A shame his feet barely brush against the ground, he notes without caring much for their questions. Ienzo is certain they will keep coming out nonetheless. Why aren't you working, is Even awake and ready to slaughter me, how have you been. The last one would be a little odd, honestly.

 

“Riku told us we didn't have to do anything boring today, so we came for a visit. And there isn't anyone around there, chill.”

 

Coming from the Flurry of dancing flames, the last word is anticlimactic. Ienzo cannot repress the shadow of a smile on his lips, pressing his cheek against his palm.

 

“I'm not the one who uses my day off to start a fight in the middle of Radiant Garden's oldest plaza.”

 

Ah, he shouldn't have admitted he's as free as them. What if they want to hang out or something that nonsensical? Ienzo would rather be bored on his own rather than having to endure Lea's gritting presence and his laments about Roxas and Isa.

 

“You're one of the apprentices?”

 

The question takes him by surprise. Most of Sora's gang knows about his existence. Without the details, obviously, so he didn't expect that. Before he can reply, the girl has lowered her hood on her shoulders.

Familiar is a word Ienzo loathes.

It holds a dangerous meaning, something akin to a burning memory on the verge of ripping his newfound heart out at the first misstep.

Nonetheless, there isn't anything else coming to his mind as he stares at her. Certainly a little longer than he should too. By the time he notices, Lea is already introducing him with a choice of words Ienzo can't help but disapprove of. They are definitely not childhood friends, and if he hears the story of how he face planted on the ground once because of his lab coat, he is going to trap Lea into an illusion of the North Pole forever.

That's why the past is such a chore. It only serves at pointing out what went wrong. As he sighs, a few strands of hair fall in front of his eye. He can almost hear Even's voice, ordering him to cut it before it gets as messy as Zexion's. But then, Ienzo is fairly sure that his Nobody found some sick pleasure in letting it unruly on purpose if only to annoy his 'superior'. And, honestly, he intends on acting exactly in the same way. At least regarding to his hair.

 

“Lea is being incorrect,” he interrupts, his tone sharper than before. “We are old acquaintances, there isn't anything to add. In fact, I'd go as far as saying we caused each other more misfortunes than we share pleasant memories. Am I wrong?”

 

Ienzo isn't sure if he intends on being insufferable during the whole conversation or not. It's Lea though. The Lea whom bought him ice-cream once, in exchange to learn how to enter the castle without being caught. The same Lea who got experimented on without Ienzo intervening. Should he feel guilty about that? Ienzo isn't sure.

 

Once, he attempted to calculate the percentage of their crimes against each other, taking into consideration their different incarnations.

A tie, more or less, in his opinion. Even shouting in an outraged way in the background did not bring much assistance.

 

“You're still a pain, you know Ienzo? Of course you do, why am I even asking. Anyway, don't be a jerk to Kairi. Except if you want a flowery keyblade to hit you in the head.”

 

“Lea is an expert at that,” Kairi's voice suggests she either takes her training seriously or she enjoys her power a little more than what's acceptable.

 

Either way, Ienzo finds himself chuckling, much to Lea's dismay. “Now that's a sight I'd enjoy witnessing.” Bullying the tallest is an appropriate past time, as long as it doesn't last. Communicating is not exactly what Ienzo wants to do with his first day off in this life. He has a walk to finish after all. Difficult to get up when the others decide to sit by his side. Well, now he is forced to stay a little longer. Or he could give up and admit how little he cares. Laziness has a tendency to get on his nerves. If he spends too much time 'resting', nothing will get done.

 

“How are the others?”

 

“They are well, considering the circumstances. Even and Dilan remain feeble health-wise, and Aeleus is keeping an eye on them at the moment, I suppose. By updating us a little more often on your training, you would certainly receive a similar reply on our side.”

 

“I'm aware… It's just hard to manage everything at once.”

 

Ienzo has to refrain from retorting Axel has always been impressive at multitasking. He has promised himself to stop mixing their incarnations together for the sake of being resentful. However, the thought lingers in his mind for a while. Without their old coats, they seem almost normal. Long lost citizens finding their way home. Except Ienzo has little fondness towards this world, and Lea cannot allow himself to stay around with his duties. As for Kairi, she doesn't belong there either.

Although he cannot help but doubt that statement.

Another mystery to solve.

 

“We should get the ice-cream you told me about Lea,” she interrupts his thoughts, suddenly getting up. He notices how she turns her head towards them, awaiting for approval. While it's normal since she isn't familiar with the area, Ienzo wonders if there isn't more to it.

 

His craving for knowledge might be the death of him once more, he notes absentmindedly, pushing on his knees to get up. It's an excellent moment to part ways. He doesn't fear Aeleus' disappointed glare in the slightest, although he would rather not being told to think of them (as in the apprentices) as a functioning unit. They are only coworkers, at best. Less problematic this way, as long as they keep a comfortable distance between them.

 

“Ienzo, are you coming?” She inquires out of nowhere as Lea rubs the back of his head in a way which clearly means he is uncomfortable with the idea. “Sora told me sea-salt ice cream was something I couldn't miss if I came to Radiant garden.”

 

Ienzo finds himself blinking. What does she mean by 'sea-salt'? Weren't those discontinued after the fall of this world? Aeleus goes outside at times, and he has never bothered to inform him of the grand return of his favorite childhood treat? Betrayal will taste like the carrot soup the oldest doesn't like tonight.

 

“Yeah, let's bring him with us,” Lea decides for him, probably to distract himself from associating ice-cream and his lost best friend. Honestly, Ienzo only has to sit at dinner with the ex-apprentices if he wants an angst fest, he would rather not endure a second one with Lea. “You like those, right? I do recall we ate some together a couple of times.”

 

Fine. He will go with them. It's not a complete waste of time after all.

Perhaps he could even go as far as saying he missed ice-cream, if he was the first Ienzo and not Ienzo-who-is-not-Ienzo.

He's going to end up with a headache if he keeps thinking about that.

 

“I will gladly join you two, if only to ensure the town remains intact.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I noticed a mistake with Axel's title in the first chapter today, sorry about that.  
> Also Ienzo's feelings come as somewhat brutal when I write him, which wasn't planned. It's some kind of "it's my fault but I don't know how to deal with it" so he creates bridges between people and him, to the point communicating is near impossible. Ironically, he struggles less with Lea, because they don't pretend to appreciate each other in the first place. And Kairi is basically a stranger for now (I do not believe they were that close as children anyway) so it works out more or less.  
> I'm fond of them trying to work out as an unit, since they carry deep issues on their own. 
> 
> Thank you for the kudos, it encouraged me greatly.

        The smell is the first thing he takes into account. It's a strong as if he was standing on sand, feet licked gently by waves. Which makes little sense, as Ienzo, no matter which one, has never gotten the opportunity to visit a beach. Zexion did, albeit without much enthusiasm. He categorizes his feelings into different categories, depending on when they happened. Real or not, fake or sincere. If Demyx was around, he would proudly claim everything belongs to his heart, even what happened with Zexion. Ah, melancholy isn't exactly the same as nostalgia. It drags his mind down, thoughts spiraling into a mess he cannot control nor decipher.

 

“It's dripping on your pants,” a concerned voice states by his side.

 

Kairi hasn't said much, since they sat down on a bench, while Lea struggled to adjust his body in a comfortable position. He is sprawled with his shoulder against hers now, legs dangling off the side. Ienzo feels somewhat trapped, with Lea taking so much space on the other side. It can't be helped, he decides while running his tongue against the treat. Better than ruining his pants further by allowing it to melt. The taste takes him by surprise, mostly because it doesn't bring much back.

There is a distance, a memory so faded away it has turned into a blur. And he stares, for too long, at the soft blue shade under his eyes. Shouldn't the ice-cream please him more? Enough for his heart to beat faster, rather than the shivers running thorough his whole body? Fantastic, now he has ruined that too. Another memento of his past (who doesn't even belong to him) he can't keep properly stored into his mind. It's the same with the ex-apprentices and how he treats them, with this careful distance and acidic tone when pushed back. Ienzo wonders why he cannot simply bury himself into work forever, rather than having to deal with this disappointing world.

As a child, he was attracted by mysteries and solving them.

Nowadays, there isn't much left to discover. Humanity has damaged itself beyond repair, no matter how they run around to fix things.

Stopping Xehanort is the ultimate goal. Exactly like getting back their (his) heart used to be.

And then, what will they do? Remain there, trying to be forgiven for countless murders and abject actions?

Ienzo doesn't want to be judged differently because of his age. He never had much innocence in his heart. It was a battleground from the start, willing to throw away emotions in exchange for knowledge. And now here he is, barely nineteen, hiding between the past to avoid the future. If the others get judged, he wishes to endure the same fate. If only because they deserve it, or perhaps because he wants to admit his faults once for all.

Instead he is sitting with a stranger and an ex-comrade while wanting nothing more than to run and leave forever. The shadows still dance, in the background. He has no problem sensing them, awaiting for the right moment to strike, whispering against his ear, taking a grotesque appearance in front of each passing mirror. It has always been exhausting, to live in constant lies, while being unable to project exactly what he wishes for.

 

“You mentioned Riku earlier, I thought the ones training you were Merlin and Yen Sid?” He eventually lets out, if only to stop the growing whispers at the back of his mind.

 

“Riku's helping. The kid is a pushover, more serious than Isa, can you imagine?” Complaining suits Lea well, Ienzo notes.

 

“We need all the help we can get. Especially me,” Kairi adds. “I never had any training before. But at least I don't use my keyblade like a chakram.”

 

“Hey I apologized for the whole hitting you accidentally with it, okay? It only happened like once.”

 

“Four times.”

 

         After a moment, Ienzo's attention drifts away from them while they argue. It's not a loud argument though, if anything he's say they are accustomed to tease each other. It shows when Kairi hides her smile between her ice-cream or Lea sighs a little too dramatically.

Was it similar when they were children? He hadn't gotten the opportunity to hang with Lea and Isa often, busy with more pressing matters. Once, there was another boy, one which is merely more than an empty memory by now, a shadow with no face. Ienzo cannot keep reflecting of what's gone, or else he'll end up like the others.

Clingy and dependent on the past.

 

“This place feels familiar, in some way.” He lifts up his head when Kairi speaks, her ice-cream almost gone. “I can't pinpoint why or what gives me the sensation, but—”

 

She is Namine, while not being her completely. The other side of something incomplete, long reunited. Ienzo doesn't voice his own doubts, the way he could tell her the same thing. He isn't sure she wishes for an answer in the first place. Instead, he stares at the word written on the stick he is holding. Winner, hm?

 

“Why did you come here in the first place? There are countless worlds to explore. Was it solemnly for the sake of the past, Lea?”

 

“Kind of. I thought Kairi would enjoy to learn more about Radiant Garden. She didn't get to travel much while the others got to go on adventures.”

 

        There is more sense in Lea coming there for ice-cream and the scenery than to find his old house or relatives. These people are long gone, without any chance of returning one day. Sure, some might have survived, being sent into other worlds. Yet, it's unlikely it happened on a large scale.

Ienzo ignores if losing loved ones forever is more convenient. Rather than feeling their presence in his bedroom at night, shadows leaning over him while he pretends to be asleep. Grieving is a process he doesn't have to endure, since he has no reason to miss them or anyone. The apprentices are still there. Most of them at least, some foes, others as distant friends.

He won't offend Ansem by thinking they had an ounce of affection left towards each other when the man died. Something he learned about when Sora bothered to visit, dropping the information without noticing how brutal it was.

 

“Radiant Garden wasn't exactly like this before. For example, there was a shop over there, and I'm fairly certain little things shifted to some extend when darkness engulfed everything. Neighborhoods erased from existence, houses vanishing.” He studies the phenomenon, on a small scale. Comparing places from memory, sitting on the ledge of his window in the morning. Another way to keep his brain in check, always focused.

 

“So it'll never be whole again?” Kairi sounds a little upset by the idea. Something Ienzo can't truly comprehend.

 

“It won't. It's similar as being a Nobody. You lost your heart once, didn't you?” Or else Namine wouldn't have come to existence, no matter how short the experience was. “Have you felt exactly the same since?”

 

“No, not really.”

 

Kairi lets out a protesting sound when Lea's elbow gently nudges her ribs as he sits up. While muttering an apology, he turns his head to stare directly at Ienzo, a tired gleam in his gaze.

 

“You can't truly compare her and us though. She doesn't have to carry our shitty emotional baggage.”

 

“ _Emotional_ ,” Ienzo quotes the word, taping the stick against his lips.

 

“Oh shut up, you get exactly what I'm saying. Emotions or not, hearts or not, we messed everything's up.”

 

“Murdering half of the organization was indeed not that grand.”

 

“As if you were any better, manipulating everyone around you.”

 

While Ienzo has no intention to object, as it's certainly the truth, Kairi doesn't appear to agree. Or else she wouldn't have pressed her hands against their heads, pushing back slightly.

 

“Do you always argue like an old couple? You're worst than Sora and Riku when we were kids”

 

On a scale of disgust from one to ten, being paired with Lea scores a twelve. Not fazed by their sudden lack of retort, Kairi continues speaking, her gaze focused on the sky.

 

“My experience is not like yours, I agree. Still it's not a reason to say it didn't impact me. I understand what losing one's heart is like. The fear, followed by the world turning dull, colors vanishing. And then there is absolutely nothing at all. It lasted only a couple of seconds, still... You stare at the void without being able to close your eyes,” her voice dies with the last words, vanishing in a whisper.

 

Silence engulfs them in return, as no one dares to comment. Ienzo wouldn't have described it with colors. To him, it was smells and sensations, claws against his face, ripping the skin apart until they understood they didn't have to aim that high. Lea, he can't tell. For all he knows, he could have died with Isa in the basement, trying to find an escape in panic. Or outside, running until his legs couldn't carry him anymore.

 

“You're not that older than me,” she eventually finds the strength to add. It's the argument Ienzo loathes the most. An excuse for their actions based on the fact they were children too.

 

At the same time, he wonders why he is so adamant to refuse it.

However, that's not the point Kairi's trying to make, apparently.

 

“I wish to ensure no kid has to experience that feeling ever again. That's my reason, beyond wanting to be with my friends, for wielding my keyblade. I had time to ponder over it, to go to school while they fought. If any child endures that too, then I want— I _will_ intervene this time.”

 

By that point, she is certainly trying to encourage herself more than anything else. Ienzo can tell, when she emphasizes certain words. _No one should leave us behind again_ , is the message.

A foolish statement.

He awaits Lea's comment, another bad joke to soothe the atmosphere. Instead, the oldest is chewing on the stick of his ice-cream, humming to himself. For a second, Ienzo is worried he'll mention Isa. If he does, then the conversation will go deeper into their multiple losses. And he cannot get involved into that. Nonetheless, the frown on his forehead vanishes in favor of closed eyes as he throws his head back.

 

“So, we're superheroes now? If it's the case we ought to find cool nicknames.”

 

His attempt at cheering everyone up works when a smile graces Kairi's lips again.

 

“You can be my sidekick then, Lea.”

 

“Ouch, teasing me already, princess?”

 

“If I'm the princess, you're the drama queen.”

 

Laughter spreads thorough Lea's body, making his shoulders shake. His hand ruffles Kairi's hair, not minding when she returns the gesture. Ienzo is lost, honestly. By how quickly they switch topics, throwing bits of information for everyone to see before acting like it doesn't matter.

There is something wrong about these two, he realizes abruptly.

A need for company, to grow alongside someone rather than being forgotten on the side of the road.

Now, he is able to see how lonely they probably are deep inside, trying to walk forward when everyone's already ahead of them.

Ienzo cannot stand how recognizable it feels.

 

“Your duo lacks stealth,” he blurts out without meaning to. Pathetic. He shouldn't wish to be included in the conversation. Especially as they are far from being of interest to him in the first place.

 

“Then you'll have to join us, no other choice.”

 

Kairi grins, and it's bright, with a hint of pride which hasn't grown into her yet.

 

“A trio's always superior to a duo,” Lea adds, only to open an eye towards the sky. There is the shadow of a doubt, a passing memory, on his face for a second. And then it's gone.

 

“I didn't agree to anything.”

 

Should he go fetch his prize? The winning stick certainly means he is getting something, right? Other than a partnership with these two, obviously. That's more a punishment than a reward.

 

“Do you think we could visit the castle? Show Kairi around and stuff.”

 

“Depends if you are willing to spend time hearing Even and his ramblings about your existence.”

 

“And what if we avoid him, like the old days?”

 

“Oh, is there a secret passage or something to get inside the castle, Ienzo?”

 

Between these two, the ex-apprentice is going to sabotage his day off.

 

“If Aeleus is busy tending the others, I suppose you could get in without being seen.” Technically, there isn't any reason to forbid them to enter in the first place. They are meant to be allies, and to communicate about their mutual progress. Then why are they treating it like a secret infiltration plan? What is he even going to show them? The library? His bedroom? The awful portrait of Xehanort?

 

In retrospect Lea's talent with fire might be fitting for the situation. It would be too easy though.

 

“I'd rather spend the day outside, although you're free to visit the others if you wish to do so.”

 

“I can't tell if you're trying to get rid of us or if you're truly that boring.”

 

“Take a wild guess, Lea.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for Spectrophobia/catoptrophobia (fear of mirrors, which has apparently two names)  
> This chapter turned slightly darker than anticipated. But, at least, I could add Aeleus and Even properly.

          Ienzo doesn't bother staying around for goodbyes when it's time for the guests to leave. His presence is far from being compulsory after all. They'll find they way home without his guidance. Just as his feet know the path to the castle without any hesitation. Oddly, he recalls how isolated from the rest of the world it used to be, a long time ago. Nowadays, Radiant Garden has turned into something less organized. Distances are not always the same from one day to another. Distortions caused by the fall of the world, that's the most likely explanation. Another glitch he'll have to solve. Not right now though. It's linked to everything else, as he told Kairi.

Being surrounded by her and Lea has taken his energy away, leaving his fingers itchy and throat parched. A glass of water would be perfect, although he is already busy with his second ice-cream of the day. Better use the winner stick right away, rather than keeping it for another day off. He doubts the opportunity is going to arise again in the first place, considering the urgency of their situation. At least, he doesn't have to be a hero like the others.

Redemption wouldn't be an appropriate word either.  
It means one can be forgiven in the first place.  
How naive.

Teeth find their way against the frozen treat, shattering small bites one after another. By the time he reaches the gates, he isn't done yet. There is no guard to scold him for his absence, something Ienzo doesn't miss in the slightest. They never treated his person with as much care as they gave to his intellect. A shame, for sure. Not that Ienzo laments over himself more than what's necessary. After walking around the castle, he reaches his door, slipping into the kitchens without a sound.

 

“Ienzo.”

 

The familiar tone is enough for him to pause, ice-cream still in his mouth. Even's health has never been excellent. Back when Ienzo was still the real one, the man tended to catch colds easily. Kind of ironic, now that he thinks about it. The way Even leans against the table, putting his meager weight on his elbows, is far from menacing. He is pleased to see him around, as it means the scientist will soon return to his experiments. Better ones, less dangerous probably.

Even will promise something like that, lying to himself and everyone involved once more. His morbid curiosity towards life, death, and everything in between has always been there. That's why Ienzo, the other one, took such a liking to him. Everybody else was busy pushing his knowledge towards healthier topics (except Xehanort, he remembers that bastard without any fondness). Even, on the other hand, was prone to shove him on a stool in front of experiments deemed disgusting by their peers. The teenager he has become has to admit that was somewhat fun.

 

“What's this nonsense?”

“You need to be more precise, Even,” he suggests while sitting on the counter. He has always enjoyed to have his feet off the ground, albeit not too much. Braig forgetting him in trees might have influenced him negatively.

“Your work. The labs. Your absence! That's what I'm talking about, I was looking for you the whole day!”

 

Considering he left a couple of hours ago, that's unlikely. The fact the man is wearing pajamas suggests a different story. He certainly woke up for longer than usual, and opted to pester his favorite coworker with his latest idea. Only to find the library and the labs empty. A tragedy, for sure. Ienzo isn't sure of how he should reply. If Even gets furious, it'll put a strain on his body for sure.

 

“I was in need of a day off.”

 

He notes, while finishing the ice-cream, how expressive Even is. Everything on his face shows how displeased he is to hear about such concept. The pursuit of knowledge should be above the foolish concept of enjoying life, bla bla bla.

Oh, this time he doesn't have a winner stick.  
It feels like a betrayal.

Now, he has no excuse to go back there. Not that he was looking for one in the first place.

 

“Do you realize how impo—”

“I met with Lea. He was walking around with Kairi,” Technically he shouldn't have to introduce either protagonist to Even. Especially not the pyromaniac. Even's mouth twists in anger as he mutters something about Lea being completely useless. “No, I did not get updated on his whereabouts, beyond the fact he is still undergoing training. May I retreat to my room now?”

 

That's, by far, the longest conversation he had with another ex-apprentice since… Well it has been a while to say the last. Ienzo has the urge to flee already, not wishing to dwell any longer on what he should have done. He is past the age of getting lectured. As for his work, he dares to hope it'll be easier if he manages to rest properly for once. Emptying his mind as much as he could to avoid imploding like Aeleus will surely do if he doesn't stop running everywhere to care for the others.

Without awaiting an answer, Ienzo leaves the room, aware Even won't be able to follow in his state.

 

          His bedroom brings little relief as he collapses on the bed. His mind aches, begging Ienzo to go back to work already. Burying himself under it would been convenient. An improvement over the fatigue starting to spread in his body. With the appropriate amount of caffeine, Ienzo has little trouble staying awake. Not that his mind allows much reprieve. That's why the mirror on the room has been facing the wall for a long time.

For a while, as he lays on his back, eyes closed, the world is calm. Until it starts. By that point, the ex-apprentice deals with the problem by feigning ignorance. As long as you do not acknowledge it's here, it'll leave eventually, out of boredom. Cold hands get tangled in his hair and he can feel the dying breath against his face. That's far from being original, perhaps he should work on that for next time.

Spicing things up by picturing blood pouring down his face from their wounds. The line between hallucination and illusion has always been thin for Ienzo. However Ienzo-who-is-not-Ienzo has crossed it a long time ago.

 

“Everything's your fault,” the voice sings, getting high-pitched in the middle of the sentence only to die peacefully at the end.

Definitely not his brain's finest work.

“Mother, I wonder when you'll cease such visits. You are merely the product of my unstable mind, nothing real I fear.”

 

Usually, he doesn't bother admitting he can hear her, as it's an invitation to trouble. But then, that's not exactly an ordinary day in the first place. Lea has infuriated him just enough to obtain such reaction, he supposes.

 

“Then why don't you open your eyes to look at me? You never do.”

 

He could. Ienzo has little fear towards his past. It's a burden, for sure. Nothing he believes in enough to cause damage though. Facing the body of his mother is something which can be avoided, as long as he pays attention. Thus, there is no reason to get distracted by her.

 

“Go away,” he whispers, covering his face with both hands.

 

Soon enough, the presence vanishes.  
As usual.

 

         By the time he should be eating dinner, Ienzo has merely moved. Getting changed into something more comfortable and slipping under the covers is enough. He doubts Aeleus truly require his presence in the first place, perfectly able to cook for himself without him. No awful soup for the oldest then. That's perfectly acceptable, just as Ienzo has little qualms about missing a meal.

His sleep schedule is a mess anyway. He'll rise in the middle of the night to find something to eat and drink before retreating into his room. Or the library.

Ienzo hears the footsteps before Aeleus is able to reach the door. There is always the possibility to feign sleep, although he doubts his old friend would fall for something like this. With a sign, he invites him inside, sitting up. He hopes exhaustion shows on his face, if only to force the older man to leave him alone.

Of course he is carrying a tray of food. What has Ienzo done to deserve such kindness? Nothing at all. His youthful appearance tricks Aeleus into caring for him, it has always been this way. He doesn't doubt for one second that their bond suffered heavily since they woke up. Ah, he shouldn't even consider they were close before, as it wasn't them at all.

 

“Has Even told you about my insufferable behavior?”

 

Ienzo gestures towards his desk where the tray manages to fit over paperwork. There isn't anything too important laying in plain sight, so it's acceptable. Unlike Even, able to show five negative emotions on his face in the span of ten seconds, Aeleus offers his own through his words instead, picking them with care.

 

“He called you rude for leaving in a hurry. I believe he was worried about your well-being.”

 

Worried over the progress of his work? Yes, highly possible. Anything else is unlikely.

 

“Should I go and apologize? Is it why you're here?” Where does this bitterness come from? It drowns everything around Ienzo since he woke up. He doesn't understand why he should talk about his emotions. They are still missing, nowhere to be found. That's all, isn't it enough? Pushing the covers away, he gets up. There isn't much light in the room, except the one coming from the sky outside. Night has fallen quickly, or his nap was longer than longer than usual.

Either way, it's not necessarily a problem. The shadows have enough space to crawl properly, rather than being stuck to him.

 

“Have you ever apologized for disregarding people's feelings, Ienzo?”

 

“While being sincere? I am unable to recall.”

 

As if he was dealing with a creation from his mind, the ex-apprentice focuses all his attention on the sky outside. Akin to anyone else, he'll give up after a moment. That's not a healthy way to deal with his problems. Not that they have taught him another. What were they good for, in that regard? They raised him into something incomplete. Another failed project. He should ask Even to cut him open and figure out what's wrong. No, that's a childish idea, he is tired that's why he is thinking such nonsense.

When he turns around to face the oldest, Ienzo has to remind himself the mirror next to the man is still facing the wall. That's another trick, nothing important. His old friend is not a rotten corpse fixing him with an empty gaze behind the glass. He blinks, and suddenly everything's back to normal once more.

 

“Will you eat?”

 

Was he silent for too long? Ienzo takes a moment to focus, allowing his body to sit down once more.

 

“Of course, Aeleus. Good night.”

 

This time there is no argument. Aeleus understands. He has seen more than Ienzo would have wanted for anyone to witness, being around when his world melted into something unreal. That's not a nightmare per se, to the youngest.

Merely a part of his mind.  
What caused it doesn't matter much.

Once alone, he sits at the desk, watching his meal without much interest. That's because of the ice-cream, he convinces himself. It's fine if he eats it later, even if it gets cold. Ienzo lacks the will to do anything other than crawling back under his pile of blankets right now.

Tomorrow he'll get back to work.


	4. Chapter 4

          “You have visitors.”

 

The sudden intrusion in his personal space is displeasing, especially as Ienzo cannot fathom why anyone would bother coming there to have a conversation with _him_. He has no acquaintance left outside of the castle, except for old members of their organization. He doubts Aeleus would allow them to step inside without a fight though. Lifting his head from his disorganized notes, he wastes a moment observing the other, trying to figure out if it's payback for his behavior a couple of weeks earlier.

Foolish. He is the only one who enjoys keeping grudges for that long.

Leaving the desk is harder than anticipated, due to his back protesting. He shouldn't sit for hours like that, it isn't doing any good to his body. At least, he isn't like Even, complaining about old age while dunking most the coffee pot by himself every morning to remain alive. By the time Ienzo has managed to reach the entrance, his guests have decided to entertain themselves by sitting on the stairs while chatting loudly.

 

Marvelous, it's them.

The duo from hell.

 

“Kairi. Lea,” He greets while leaning against the railing, wondering why they have decided to interrupt his day.

 

“Here you are. So are we going?”

 

Where exactly? They cannot simply interfere like that, keeping him away from his work under the pretense of friendship or something as equally meaningless. It shows on his face certainly, as they have the decency to look apologetic for a moment. A shame it doesn't last.

 

“We are going to explore Radiant Garden further. And we though you'd be interested? Much better than paperwork, you know.”

 

Science is not mere paperwork, Lea understands nothing. But then, why would he? Back then he was a kid, he was dragged into experiments without being more than a guinea pig. It would be insulting to compare him to the apprentices.

 

“Why would you need my presence for that?”

 

“It's your world too, you cannot hide in that old castle forever to avoid looking at it,” Kairi' sharp tone engulfs the hall, leaving no room for an argument.

 

Ienzo guesses she isn't wrong, technically. Although he stays indoors to fix what he has caused, not as a form of punishment. Avoiding the committee and its members is merely a perk of never leaving the castle. He isn't meant to address the public anyway. Arms crossed over his chest, the scientist takes a moment to allow the silence to turn uncomfortable before speaking again.

 

“You might neglect your training for such futile visits, but do not compare us.” He has no reason to leave right now, not after the uneasiness which crept in his stomach for weeks after his day off.

 

“About that,” Lea pauses for the effect before taking a report out of the inner pocket of his jacket, with a grin. “We brought what your group requested. Spending some time with you is a bonus, that's all.”

 

“Should I be flattered? Or upset it took you so long?” Extending a hand towards the papers, Ienzo accepts the peace offering. While glancing at the notes, not much better than his own, he wonders why they would consider his presence as something enjoyable. He hopes he hasn't given them a false impression of friendship, as he is unable to form such bond with anyone.

 

“I'm going to talk to Even,” Lea announces without a warning, leaving Ienzo startled. That's the opposite of how he should behave. Before he's able to stop the oldest, he has already started to climb up, hands in his pockets. “See you after!”

 

What is he meant to do now? Alone with Kairi, in the middle of the stairs. His gaze lingers on nothing in particular for too long until he notes she is staring at him.

 

“They have to talk it out, or else it'll stay the same forever.”

 

While the oldest can see her point, again, there is something rotten in the concept of Even and Lea conversing about the past. It's an endless circle or paying back for old crimes. Honestly, Ienzo-who-is-not-Ienzo understands Axel's revenge against Vexen. Different lives though, not much left to salvage. With a sigh, he sits by Kairi' side. At least, she appears to be as uneasy as he is. The ex-apprentice could, should even, inquire about the real reason behind her presence. It's obvious there is something more, beyond the excuse to skip a day of training to support her new friend. He doubts someone who has been cast out for so long would escape for no reason. It's not his place to get involved, not after what he has done. No matter how close in age he is to them, they are nothing more than distant allies in an endless war.

Heroes wielding magical blades able to connect the worlds. Whereas Ienzo once held the darkness to severe all ties between them.

 

“I didn't like Lea much, at first,” she admits, trying to fill the silence.

 

Ienzo presses the side of his head against the railing. At times, he gets so lost in his mind that paying attention to the conversation is difficult. If he poured out what goes thorough his mind, no one would be able to say a word, drowned by his endless chatter. Still, he gestures towards Kairi with his hand, beckoning her to continue.

At least, he can keep himself busy until Lea's return by listening.

 

“He kidnapped me, back then. And even if he wasn't rough of cruel, the act in itself still matters. That's why— I didn't want to train with him. I thought it could only go wrong. On the first day, I braced myself for bruises, or flames, or anything brutal and violent. Because that's how your guys are— were. You took everything, without caring about consequences in the name of your goal,” she pauses, tugging on the ears sewed on her hood with one hand. Anxiety, Ienzo remarks without interrupting. He recalls something similar from the first meeting, a slight tension present in her body. “And then he came too me, all sheepish, saying sorry and asking to have a second chance. I wasn't sure I wanted to give him one. And that's awful, since I'm meant to represent the light or something.”

 

“ _Or something_ ,” Ienzo repeats, trying to hide the smirk on his lips. He ought to stop twisting people's words against them.

 

“That's how it feels! I'm supposed to be a pure maiden of light, but honestly? I have… I wouldn't say anger. More like resentment? Anyway, it took me months to be fully at ease with Lea. We learned to joke together, talked about our friends. That's how I realized we feel the same way about being the one left behind.”

 

It's impressive how he still cannot tell why she is using him as her confident. The ex-apprentice has little to comment on, no solution to offer.

 

“When I came here the first time, I thought I cared about Radiant Garden because of his stories.”

 

Oh, Ienzo isn't sure he wants to stay around to hear what's going to follow. Perhaps he should return behind his desk in the library. That's a slippery path, without a doubt.

 

“I've not been looking for my home before, as I always considered it could only be Destiny Islands. And then I started to have dreams of this place and—”

 

“You came to the conclusion you might be a survivor of Radiant Garden.”

 

She nods.

 

It's far from ideal, if anything it might become a problem on the long run. Another endless quest to catch up with the past, rather than enjoying her actual family. The old one is dead, Ienzo feels like throwing at her, without kindness. What's everyone's point? Why do they wish to suffer and recall what happened although it's better buried alongside Hollow Bastion? It's beyond his level of understanding.

 

“I told you before, didn't I? The damage is considerable, few survivors are left, and you've met most of them.” Her crestfallen expression is difficult to comprehend. She shouldn't have carried so much hope with her, not after witnessing the truth alongside Lea.

 

Ienzo shouldn't indulge her fantasies of happy endings. He has no reason to.

And yet, he does, on an impulse. Perhaps to convince himself there is something which hasn't been tainted by darkness in his heart.

 

“I _might_ have known you back then, although I doubt we interacted. I had a faint impression of déjà-vu upon meeting you.”

 

“Me too,” she confesses.

 

It's going to be a mistake, he can tell.

 

 

         Most of the castle is soundproof, at least the labs and everything underground. A way to hide what happened to the population years prior. That's convenient, as it allowed them to perform countless acts of cruelty without getting caught. Ienzo can still hear the constant screaming, dulled in the back of his mind. Honestly, it still reeks of darkness, if you ask him. That's why he is more at ease upstairs, where everything's a gentle illusion of normalcy. As normal as life can be for the ex-apprentices at least. The conversation with Kairi died on its own, after an attempt at remembering who the other was. They haven't enough left for that, thus they'll have to figure it out later.

She seems more relaxed though, holding her head higher, hood resting on her shoulders rather than hiding under it.

Lea still hasn't returned, which prompted them to look for him. Even wouldn't try to slaughter him, just as the opposite is also unlikely. Voices start to rise once they are walk into the basement though. Louder and louder until they are in front of the source.

 

“Isa and I were children!”

 

Oh. That's not an appropriate topic, especially in front of a guest. Ienzo knows exactly what Even is going to say before he opens his mouth. _Necessary evil_. That's how they called most of their actions back them. Distress is more prominent than anger on Lea's face, which is not making any of this better. At least, if they were arguing brutally, fighting even, Ienzo would allow them to do as they please. Here, it's a pathetic display of what has been ruined years ago.

Ienzo knows why _Axel_ made sure to murder _Vexen_ and _Zexion_ while he was present.

To watch their punishment. The worst fate for the real monsters.

He refuses to excuse such action, no matter how deserved it was. While Zexion's life had little value, it was still _something_.

 

“Enough.”

 

“Are you going to defend him? Of course you are, after all weren't you the perfect duo back then?”

 

Lea's voice is bitter, filled with emotions he has repressed for a while now. He shouldn't have come, if he only intended on shout without listen in return. Not that Even has ever been better. Isn't there anyone remotely functional in the damn group?

 

“What happened?”

 

Ah yes, they have Kairi. Although she doesn't count, as she never joined their pitiful organization. Ienzo deduces that she knows, at least a little, from Lea. It wouldn't be logical, if they are that close, for him to hide that part of his first existence.

 

“Is there a point in throwing our past at each other?” He asks, without stepping forward. “Do you both need another revenge? It's your turn, I believe, Even. Go on, pick an appropriate weapon and then we'll go back to waiting for our next life.”

 

He can feel Kairi's gaze moving towards him, proving she understands what's going on now.

 

“You—” Even isn't authorized to go further, because Lea has grabbed Ienzo by his collar, lifting him until his feet barely touch the ground.

 

What a familiar sensation.

Albeit the person doing the dirty work was different last time.

 

“You are the worst of us, Ienzo! Each time we try to express what we're feeling you tell us it doesn't matter, that we should fucking move on. Sorry if I'm still traumatized by what happened. My bad!”

 

The hand suddenly releases him, leaving Ienzo struggling to regain his balance.

 

“It was fun to you, right? A big game where you could finally be as wicked as Even and Xehanort. Although you were even younger than us it didn't affect you at—”

 

There is a cracking sound as his fist collides with Lea's face.

It feels like _relief_.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And we have Dilan! It took a while for him to appear, but I hope to focus a little more on the apprentices in the future. 
> 
> Also when will Ienzo learn to communicate we have no idea.

          There is no judgment in Dilan's gaze as he secures the bandage around his hand. Ienzo has to admit he is more at ease with him than the others, right now. If only because Dilan is the most willing to pretend nothing happened too. There is an unspoken arrangement between them, when they walk by each other in the hallway. A meager 'hello' followed by silence, and that's comforting. Less overbearing than Lea's complains for sure. Ienzo is aware it'll become a problem one day, after all he isn't blind to his own faults, merely good at ignoring them. For now, he is fine with allowing the man to take care of him. The feeling in his knuckles should return eventually. If anything, he should have opted to use his weaker hand.

Rubbing the bandages against his jaw, the youngest ex-apprentice let out a sigh, wondering when the tempest is going to return. While they obviously have no reason to go against the aggression in itself, he is certain the ones who call themselves 'his family' won't hesitate to engage in a speech about forgiveness, meaningless revenge, and everything in between. Predictable to the core.

 

“Is your face in pain?”

 

Dilan's voice is firm, and it sounds more like a statement than a question. Gloved fingers brush against his cheek until Ienzo jerks back, discomfort flashing in his eyes. At times, he loathes with a burning passion how much they know about him. The illusion won't budge for something as minor as a bruise though, they should be aware of it by now. The mark is akin a permanent tattoo, covering everything wrong with his face, a part of his power always shifting towards it. Controlling the fake skin pressing against his marred one is easy. He has never allowed them the pleasure of witnessing what had happened again as soon as his powers got under control. A shame his nocturnal visions refuse to follow the same pattern. Although Ienzo is aware he cannot manage everything in his brain at once.

Cutting his own head open could be a solution. That way, the teenager would be able to remove what doesn't fit, throwing it away to make place for grands projects.

Annoyance sparkles in his mind once he recalls Xehanort had called it an excellent concept back then. Ah, he should have allowed the man to take that too. Nothing left to steal later that way.

 

“ _Obviously_ , Lea punched me back after all.”

 

In retrospect, Ienzo should have planned that. At least he can confirm the oldest doesn't let his training go to waste. His black eye is going to be a pain for a couple of days. An excuse to avoid working outside of his room. Not that he has ever needed to give a reason to isolate himself before.

 

“Why did you lose your temper?”

 

_Oh please_. He has dozen of reasons.  
Although Ienzo realizes he is unable to focus on any in particular. Lea's words resonate through his head over and over, as a reminder he loathes being called a monster, even indirectly. He is aware he is one, why do they always have to state it? Jealousy is a pathetic excuse, Ienzo knows that much. It's because he was born like this, with darkness safely tucked in his heart, awaiting to devour everything in his way.

Was it easier for Dilan and the others? Obtaining powers while losing themselves rather of being born with them and having to carry the weight from childhood. Ienzo refuses to linger for too long over a past which doesn't even belong to him. He is similar to a nobody in that sense, born from lost emotions, without anything to love or regret.

Even would comment, rudely, on his silence. He always does, not having the time to stop for his conscience. Lea only punched the one attacking him first though. Fair or not, Ienzo doesn't care. They can all vanish for what he cares. Dilan has already given up, not keen on starting another fight among his family.

They are merely skin and bones, with some organs inside. No love will ever be found inside them, why can't Dilan understand something that simple?

_Mother will take care of you._

Without paying attention any longer, he allows his eyes to close, leaning against the illusion, only for a couple of seconds. It wraps itself around him until he is on the verge of suffocating. Sometimes, it's the sole moment where he feels vaguely alive.

 

“Remove it.”

 

Oh, here is the storm. He doesn't bother opening his eyes to glare at him, able to picture the scowl on Even's face from memory. Why is the question which doesn't escape his lips. He won't give him the pleasure of witnessing the tragedy his face represents. Perhaps, in some twisted way, he would find amusement in watching Even's resolve crumbling under the truth. Staring at him while fingers wouldn't dare to push away his hair to peer at the fresh bruise. Now, Ienzo wishes to do so. To cause enough torment to the world as a retribution.

A freezing sensation surrounds his eye out of nowhere, forcing Ienzo to open both. Ah, ice. He lifts one hand to touch the thin layer against his skin. He can't feel the real one underneath the illusion, which is blessing right now. Still, the other apprentices, at least the ones he woke up with, seem to have lost most of their powers. Thus, it's a surprise to learn Even remains able to summon a faint part of his element.

(Ienzo is unable to call his lexicon, therefore he isn't immune to that loss either.  
But his case always been more complicated than theirs.)

 

“Futile,” he calls him out out of habit.

“Your health isn't _futile_ , Ienzo.”

 

That's debatable. He gets off the table before the conversation is able to go anywhere. Better not test his luck with Even right now. He'd rather not get his tongue frozen too, it would be an inconvenience, even if it doesn't last.

 

          Learning the guests haven't been thrown out is enough for Ienzo to sign loudly to himself. He would have pictured Aeleus throwing Lea out, as a reminder of the old times they are all so fond of. A shame it didn't happen. Instead, he finds the real Ienzo's friend drinking tea with Kairi in the kitchens. Their conversations appear to be important, judging by clenched hands around the mugs and the untouched plate of cookies in the middle.

Better avoid them. The schemer takes a moment to lean against the wall outside of the room nonetheless. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, isn't it what people say in such situation? Perhaps.

 

“Do you think it'll stop at some point? Or is it an endless cycle or hate and revenge?” He can feel the bitterness in Kairi as her voice rises.

 

He expects Aeleus to apologize for dragging children in their mess (which would be usual for them honestly) or something equally foolish.

 

“Darkness and light both need to co-exist, as they are compulsory to each other' survival. It's simply difficult for them to do so in such circumstances.”

 

Is he talking about the concept or is it a metaphor for Lea and him? Ah, Ienzo doesn't mind being called darkness, although he finds himself stepping away without listening to the rest of the conversation. Where is that moron anyway? They ought to settle that before it gets out of hand. The oldest should be able to stop focusing so much on what can't be changed in favor or saving the world, or whatever his new found goal is.

Also, a part of Ienzo wishes to see the damage he caused on Lea's face.

 

          The roof is not a place anyone should have access to. How Lea managed to get there is a mystery. Ienzo used his bedroom window, and a complete disregard for his safety, while walking on the ledge until he managed to jump down towards Lea. The castle has been healing on its own, akin to the rest of this world. He supposes it's a mix between what it used to be and the remnants from Hollow Bastion. Either way, everything is slippery and he has a hard time finding his balance. Traitor or not, he could use Braig's presence for once.

 

“Oh, hey.”

 

Rolling his eyes manages to send pain flashing through his right side, much to Ienzo's dismay. The ice has melted by that point, which is a shame. Not that he would admit it out loud. Better not make Even proud of himself over something so minor. It takes him a moment to sit next to the other, keeping a safe distance. The bruise on the side of Lea's lips is still red. It was the highest point Ienzo could reach with his fist. And he regrets not aiming for under his chin instead. Dilan and Braig once taught the other Ienzo it was a perfect place to cause harm. Back then, he was too short for the advice to be useful.

There should be an appropriate way to start that conversation somewhere. Although the youngest doesn't have the will to look for it.

 

“I don't regret what I told you,” Lea eventually lets out, his voice choked and low. He stares at the sun falling gently on the horizon, pausing for a long time. Perhaps he expects Ienzo to comment or to hit him one more time. As if he had the strength to do either. “It's how I've always felt about your actions. Shouldn't have lifted you like that though.”

“Or punched me.”

“That wasn't a reminder of your death, so I'm less guilty about that part.”

 

Zexion's tragic ending isn't his own in the slightest, Ienzo would like to reply. He opts to press his knees against his chest in silence instead. They are even, one punch on each side. Isn't it enough for now? After a moment, he notices how Lea is staring at his face, understanding exactly what the other is looking for.

 

“Illusions,” he reminds the other with a flat tone.

The whole ' _I still have control on tha_ t' is unspoken, and luckily Lea doesn't press the issue. He doesn't feel like opening up after getting hit in the face. Or ever, to be honest.

 

“It's messed up, isn't it? Like I keep on wanting for things to go back to what they used to be. But it wasn't great at all when we were kids. I still remember my family, and I'm not sure they were worthy of such name— I have to save Roxas, and Isa.” He groans. “The whole universe too, yeah I kinda forgot about that for a sec.”

 

The amused, yet strained, tone doesn't do much for Ienzo. He wonders why people keep coming to him to share their feelings though. What is the point? He is so stunned on that level he doesn't get anything beyond sarcasm.

 

“The past is a burden, it drags us down. We aren't them. We lost what they were, and we cannot get it back, Lea.”

“Don't you say that to avoid facing what you've done?”

“I accept to bear the weight of my past incarnations' sins. It doesn't mean I have to be them.”

“Hm, I don't get it but— Is there anything you miss?” Lea pauses, obviously unsure of how he should put his words together. “About _Ienzo-who-is-not-you-because-you-can't-deal-with-your-past-apparently_?”

“Did I ask for your opinion?” His tone is sharper than intended. “And to answer your question, no.”

 

Ice-cream doesn't count. Feeling joy at being with the others doesn't either. These are fleeting memories, they only caused harm towards everyone. At least Lea doesn't try to start another fight, barely opting to sit closer to show they can talk again. Ienzo doubts they have the ability to solve the conflict between them. At best, they can make it work from time to time.

A hand presses against his head, ruffling his hair out of nowhere.  
What a pain.

 

“You are childish, Lea.”

“Perhaps. You're too serious, Ienzo.” Suddenly, their faces are too close as the oldest is leaning towards him. “So, show me my work.”

“Don't be so proud of yourself, that wasn't a very accurate punch.”

 

The exercise is complex, as it asks to remove half of the illusion only to draw another one under it to cover his original skin. Nothing Ienzo can't handle. He focuses for a moment, before pushing his hair behind his ear, allowing Lea to see the darkened skin around his eye.

 

“I'll do better next time then,” the idiot grins.

“I could push you off the roof,” Ienzo grins back, challenging. He feels a little better, without truly understanding why.


	6. Chapter 6

         Sleepwalking has never been a habit of his. Braig, however, was found upside down in trees, or walking on the roof in pajamas, on more than one occasion. It's an odd thing to remember, a little piece of his past Ienzo doesn't seem to get rid of. No matter how countless attempts at pretending he is not _Him_ happen, the distance is never as large as it should be. At times, if he closes his eyes long enough, ancient smells come back to him. Darkness and blood, screams echoing in the emptiness behind him. The teenager would rather not indulge the foolish part of him whom keeps on clinging to fear.

As if that was something anyone else could understand? They weren't there, he bitterly reminds himself. Ienzo died last because he hid rather than trying to fight. Had they been less prone to reckless behavior, the child would— No, that's a miscalculation. Their fate was merely equal to their crime, there isn't a reason to go deeper in this. Even could tell him the same thing, although with a harsher tone, lines of exhaustion traced on his face.

They haven't talked since the other used his magic on him.

His eye healed well at least, the bruise vanishing within a couple of days. Not that it was truly visible to anyone in the first place. Healing magic would suit Even well, Ienzo realizes. No matter how the older man is a bitter creature whom would sacrifice his own family to achieve his dreams of grandeur, he has more humanity in him than Ienzo. Vexen's weapon was a shield after all. A way to push the world away while keeping himself safe. Perhaps others too.

Didn't work in the end, but well.

Even has reasons to remain on his own nowadays. He supposes he is able to understand them, for once. To get why the other would rather pursue an impossible goal to the point of killing himself rather than truly try to put them back together. For the older man, it's certainly isn't shame or guilt, as only a fool would believe. Merely the craving for knowledge which has been devouring him from the inside since he was born. The youngest is sure it mirrors his own case in some way.

 

“You haven't outgrown the habit of staying up past your bedtime, apparently.”

 

_Dilan._

 

“I don't recall any bedtime in the first place. It would have meant decent supervision.”

 

The gardens are still a pitiful sight, he remarks while his fingers brush again a tattered bush. At least they returned alongside everything else. The farther you are from the castle, the most alive everything appears to be, which is an excellent metaphor for the apprentices being little more than walking corpses. Charming thoughts, he should definitely not share them with Dilan. The older man has always been prone unnecessary worry.

No remark follows, and he turns around to ensure the presence isn't only a trick from his mind. Which would be insulting, as he knows how to recognize those by that point. He isn't a scared child hiding in a closet any longer. Especially since, at eight, he spent a whole afternoon calculating how likely to die from suffocation or starvation he would be if he locked himself inside by accident.

It wasn't him, as _Ienzo-number-two_ hopes he wouldn't be able to fit in his closet any longer. Sometimes, dividing everything into different existences takes too much energy, that's all. Especially in the middle of the night. What is Dilan even doing? Certainly not his old job as a guard, Ienzo hopes. There isn't anything worth protecting around there any longer. Even Xe—Whatever his name will be this time around— is aware he has no reason to make a grand return to taunt them. He has left broken people behind, with emotions which might or might not be present in their bodies.

The urge to drive Dilan away is everywhere, burning his veins with ice as he considers the possibility of asking his opinion on Braig's treacherous act.

 

“Do you want to talk about what's on your mind?” the man offers before he is able to open his mouth, catching Ienzo off guard.

“Don't humor me.”

“I wasn't trying to.”

 

Rather than running back in the shadows, Ienzo finds himself tired out of nowhere. He slept a little, only to be woken up by his uncooperative body. His only option is to keep his mind busy until he is able to lay down again, rather than trashing around with his thoughts for hours. Shrugging takes a lot out of him, his body shaking alongside his shoulders. Nothing illusions cannot hide, although he isn't in the mood to abuse his remaining powers over something that pointless.

 

“Fine,” he mumbles, certain he used a tone more appropriate for 'leave me alone'.

 

What could go wrong? His whole life is a complete mess already.

 

 

          The little girl with her grandmother, that's the story Dilan picks. One he has certainly crafted with care, making sure to remember details which should have long been forgotten. It's kind of a shame, to Ienzo, that Kairi isn't there to hear it. That's her past, one she isn't trying to escape unlike them, and she would certainly embrace it. Perhaps with tears, not that the apprentice would judge. His role is only to listen this time around, to be the keeper of secrets once again. That's the job which suits Ienzo the most, he supposes.

With the tip of his fingers, he traces slow circles around the burning mug in front of him. The voice of the narrator won't be enough to lull him to sleep, but he has to admit Dilan is excellent at telling stories. A pitiful one, where the beloved grandmother pounded on the heavy door over and over to get help, only to be ignored. Had she been able to understand darkness came from the _inside_ , she wouldn't have wasted her time. They were falling back then, one by one, and the guard had no time to lend anyone a hand. In the middle of chaos, the massacre turned secondary to their own misfortune.

The woman was never found, eaten by whatever got her first. As for the granddaughter, she was presumed to have endured a similar fate, only to return years later seeking answers. She was so young back then, which might have saved her life. Had she been older, Lea and Isa would have been keener on dragging her around, as they sometimes did with Ienzo when their paths crossed. There is little to say by that point though. The tragedy already occurred, they have to get over it. Should he be the one to shatter her hopes, just as he has done for everyone else? At least, closure won't be that bad. And, honestly, Ienzo doubts Kairi is as naive as people believe. Not after losing everything once.

Lea probably helped, in an indirect way. After all, he is also a damaged child trying to put the pieces of his heart back together.

 

“I remember her, faintly,” he admits after allowing silence to surround them for a moment. There is an unspoken question no one will get, underneath the sentence. Something akin to 'if I knew her, why can't I care properly?'. Pressing the mug against his lips allows Ienzo to interrupt himself rather than go too far. He wouldn't know how to express his lack of guilt in the first place, that's not something they have taught him.

“Walking outside in the middle of the night, drinking something you're intolerant to...” A sigh. “You haven't changed much, unlike what you think.”

 

Milk has always been a weakness of his. Although Ienzo doesn't consider the after-effects that dangerous, that's why he has no reason to stop drinking some from time to time. It's convenient to ignore the second sentence, as it goes against everything he wants to believe in.

 

“Are you claiming my nature is similar to one belonging to a masochist?”

 

Dilan's usually stern gaze is glimmering with a hint of mockery, something he doesn't comment on. Ienzo is aware he has always been a difficult creature, for plenty of reasons.

 

“What is this meaningless reunion?” Voice laced with annoyance, Even doesn't bother glaring at them, opting to attack the coffee pot without mercy instead. It's only once his mug is filled to the brim that he bothers turning around, sipping his caffeine with more enthusiasm than compulsory.

 

“We are planning to overthrow your tyranny as soon as possible, a shame you had to learn about it.”

“Cut the sarcasm, for once.”

“Does he even know _how_?”

 

Between Even and Dilan, Ienzo is certain he'll lose whatever battle they want to start. They should fetch Aeleus too, if they truly intend on ruining his night completely. That's not their goal though, he can tell from Even's trembling fingers and the way he keeps on yawning. Knowing his old mentor, he probably hasn't visited his bed in a while.

Is insomnia plaguing them or are they afraid to close their eyes? Both are possible.

Illusions are a meager assistance in such situation, as his powers can twist more easily than they are able to fix what's around him. Almost done with his drink, he wonders how it'd feel to mute them completely, only for once day. He could, but with consequences. Such as a loss of control later, and that's without taking into account why he needs his illusions to be around in the first place.

 

“I told him about Kairi,” he hears Dilan's voice without paying attention to it.

 

Radiant Garden's a graveyard by now. Countless friends and family members lost for eternity, and no one to remember them except for a bunch of messed up people. Hearing Kairi's past won't change anything to that, if anything now he has one more story to carry against his will.

 

“We should have kept better tracks of who used to live here,” Even comments, refilling his mug. He has notebooks filled with experiments (the ones who didn't survive and the less fortunate), yet he certainly doesn't know much about the rest. The tall man leans against the counter, one hand against it to keep his balance as he stares at his drink with an unfocused gaze. “That's a shame.”

“There isn't much we can do to save the ones who are lost. Better focus on lending a hand to this world as we should have done. That's enough for tonight, I believe. Ienzo, we should talk again sometimes.”

 

Dilan doesn't bother waiting for an answer, waving a little before exiting the room by the back door. His walk is far from being finished apparently. It's unlike him to flee difficult conversations, nonetheless Ienzo can understand that's never enjoyable to go throughout that as exhausted as they are. At least, they were civil towards each other for once.

 

“Do you intend on pushing your body past its limits?” he inquires while leaving his own mug in the sink. The temptation to take the caffeine away from the other is high, especially as it won't do much good to absorb that much of it in one go. How is that fool meant to recover if he acts in such way?

“Convenient for you to say that when I'm sure you are not doing much better.”

 

At least, Ienzo did not wake up in an unstable body.

Not that it's necessary to remind his fellow scientist of such fact.

 

“Since you're asking with all your heart, Even, I'm going to assist you for the night.” This way, perhaps he'll cease being a nuisance. “If only to ensure we don't find your corpse _again._ ”

 

Oh, sometimes he should refrain from allowing his thoughts to bleed out in reality.

 

 

        As dawn gently slips inside the room, light brushing against his face, Ienzo realizes he has fallen asleep. He is certain they planned to study in the basement before changing their mind at the last second. Hence the fact he is waking up on an old and dusty couch. Great for his clothes. It's been a while since he has worn his white coat, opting for more practical things. It's convenient since he doesn't have to experiment on anything lately. Between that and the weather getting warmer, a tank top, cropped pants and a jacket do the trick. To be honest, Ienzo is fairly certain the clothes he wears belonged once to either the other apprentices or the people they subjected to darkness. Anyway nothing fit perfectly, something he has gotten used to. It could be worse. After all, he recalls Aeleus' shirts would be tunics on him, at best.

Ah, his old friend certainly visited them over the night, or not long after that, considering the tray filled with fresh food on the coffee table. What was even this room used for? Ienzo has no idea, perhaps it was meant to be Ansem's private living room or something similar. Not that's important now. Sitting up with a groan, he glances at Even, still fast asleep, his lab coat used as a blanket.

If they're lucky, he'll stay there for a while.

Paperwork is ignored, as they haven't found anything interesting in the first place. Their reason for working together was merely to keep themselves busy, away from nightmares. That's pathetic, yet expected. His fingers grab the closest edible thing he sees, which happens to be bread. Ienzo can tell his body didn't appreciate to rest on the couch, especially his back. That's not like he's going to linger around, since the amount of dust is making him uncomfortable.

Better go back to his room and sleep a little longer. Or get changed at least.

Before leaving the room, however, he takes a moment to observe Even's face. For once, his mind seems at ease, without that frown on his face.

Whatever, he shouldn't concern himself with how others are doing.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while! Someone drew amazing fanart for this fic on Tumblr, and it motivated me to finish this chapter after a couple of weeks. Sorry for making you wait.
> 
> In this chapter they go to the beach, yay!

        Worlds are vast. Huge beings, almost sentient, filled with stories passed down from one generation to another. And, when there is no one to accomplish such task, the earth remembers instead, in the plants and the trees. Nature shapes everything. That's why what Sora sees is so minor, in comparison to what worlds truly are. He only gets to explore areas polluted by darkness, or in some cases, the only parts left. Zexion has never been much a traveler, and neither was the first Ienzo. Outside of Radiant Garden lies a new beginning, one he isn't willing to explore. How far is his old home from here? He hopes it's impossible to tell, or that the earth ate that part of his past, keeping it to itself.

His mind is heavy since morning, filled with boring thoughts. Ah, it's going to be difficult to put in his head to work, once more. By now, _Ienzo-who-is-definitely-not-Ienzo_ is able to see a pattern in his actions. A constant need for excuses in order to avoid focusing on meaningless tasks. They are pretending, mostly. Even can claim the opposite, yet their work has turned useless. It's becoming evident as time goes by. They hear news from the keyblade wielders less often, as if they were a burden best forgotten. The teenager cannot blame them, nor he wants to admit it's a reprieve. Still, he has always been working, since childhood. Therefore, it makes his existence empty.

Difficult to fix his mistakes in such situation.

Day by day, Ienzo witnesses how Dilan is walking farther away from the castle at night, pushing himself forward. He cannot tell what his purpose is, although he has no reason to look into it. What the others accomplish doesn't concern him. It's easier to claim that than admitting it's exhausting to feel aimless.

He starts longing for Lea and Kairi's presence. No matter how last time went sour at some point, being around them is special. Ienzo would never compare it to— this is not happiness, or anything similar. He is simply more at ease when not stuck with old men all the time. Even would be furious if he heard such words, which is enough for a smirk to form on his lips.

His younger (other) self wouldn't have dared to say that out loud. Whereas Ienzo doesn't care. So much for being professional and mature. It's a spark of rebellion, hidden in his new found heart (and it feels like it's the first one he has ever been allowed to own). A fragile thing he isn't sure to deserve. Sometimes, when he presses a palm against his chest, Ienzo is certain it has ceased to resonate within him.

After all, how could he manage such complicated organ, when barely understands what emotions are?

 

         A rock bounces against the window, startling the teenager. It comes out of nowhere, almost making him drop the book he has been pretending to read for the past hour, turning pages randomly from time to time. Red hair and grins greet him when he looks down. Crossing his arms on the ledge, Ienzo wonders why they keep on returning, when there isn't anything left for them here.

Perhaps Kairi wishes to hear her own story now.

That would be Dilan's job, not his.

 

“Do you realize it could have been another apprentice in the room, instead of me?”

 

“In the library? Nah. The old man prefers dark places, and we walked past Aeleus in the gardens. He didn't even see us!”

 

If these fools believe for one second Aeleus didn't spot them, they are mistaken. Stealth is still not their strong point. It's a little endearing to be so desired though. No that Ienzo gets why they do that. Better than being forced to pretend being engrossed in his research.

 

“Get your ass down, we're taking you on an adventure.”

 

“Why would I listen to you Lea?”

 

“Still mad about that punch?”

 

“I'm sure the whole town heard you two,” Kairi comments, fingers tugging on the patch of fabric sewed on the side of her skirt, smile gone. “Can we go now?” Apparently, she isn't willing to linger around for too long.

 

Ienzo can understand that feeling, the castle is suffocating, especially for outsiders. With a sign, he turns around to leave the room. No one will stop him, and he doesn't ought to leave a note. He isn't a child any longer. Ah, even back then no one truly cared until it had been hours. He doesn't bother changing, already in comfortable clothes. The ones which make him look like a teenager rather than the product of bad parenting from scientists.

 

“So, adventure. Which kind?”

 

“Oh, excited, aren't you?”

 

Ignoring Lea completely, since he deserves it probably, Ienzo opts to walk alongside Kairi until they reach the gummi ship. The colorful blocks are too aggressive for his eyes, and the inside is a complete mess. Various objects and souvenirs from trips scattered everywhere. It's a miracle he manages to sit down without injuring himself.

 

“Your cleaning skills could use some work,” he states, without finding worth mentioning his desk is in a similar state.

 

“You should see Sora's gummi ship, it's way worse.”

 

“Yeah, ours is just— there's some clutter that's it.”

 

Clutter doesn't even begin to define the mess under his feet. At least his short legs allow him to avoid being in direct contact with what appears to be a— in fact, Ienzo doesn't feel like asking what's on the floor. It matters less than the fact he accepted to follow them without thinking. A bold move, so unlike his usual calculated style.

 

“We're going to Twilight Town,” Kairi announces after a while, staring at the auto-pilot with intense concentration. He notices they have a couple of bruises on them ('got attacked by fucking teapots again during training' Lea complains), without finding it out of the ordinary. Fighters must always be ready to save the world. Whereas ex-murderers are locked in cold castles away from the world.

 

No, that's a lie. He is free to leave anytime, and that's exactly what he did.

 

“Roxas' world then?” That's an incorrect statement somewhat, yet it's easy to associate that world to their thirteenth member. Lea suddenly fights the stars surrounding them fascinating, falling silent. It's an answer in itself.

 

The air is warm, wrapping around them gently upon their arrival. The streets are mostly empty, meaning people must be at work. The ex-apprentice enjoys details, little things such as a shop closed for a wedding, or ads plastered by teenagers trying to be faster than efficient on the walls. He follow the others around, not familiar with that place. It holds dear memories for at least Lea, but if they could avoid dwelling on that, Ienzo would be grateful.

Together, Kairi and Lea are a part of something bigger, it shows more and more during their visits. It's visible in the way they walk close, ready to defend each other in case of an attack. Lea cracking a joke when Kairi gets nervous and the girl tugging on his arm when he stares at the clock tower for too long. Behind them, Ienzo isn't sure he belongs there. Shadows suit him better than the soft colors of twilight.

 

“A trip to the beach sounds good, right?”

 

The question has to be repeated twice until he snaps out of his reverie. A part of him wants to say there isn't anything interesting about sand getting in his clothes and watching the sea. Another, the one whom doesn't consider Zexion's experience as relevant, can't help but nod. They sit together on a bench at Central Station, awaiting a train for what seems to be a lifetime.

 

“First stealth, then cleaning, and now planning your trip beforehand. You are lacking in countless departments,” he teases them, sitting on the edge of the bench.

 

“At least we have people' skills, mister-I-ramble-for-hours-about-boring-stuff,” Kairi chuckles at Lea's words, which is offensive.

 

“Excuse me if you do not have the mental ability to comprehend more advanced topics, Lea Moran.”

 

The last name came back out of nowhere, a memory resurfacing after years. It takes the three of them by surprise, especially Lea, whose mouth is wide open. Forgetting what's not important is not unheard of, especially since the oldest has never been close to his family in the first place.

 

“Aren't you going to reply with a witty remark of yours?”

 

“I'm trying to recall your last name. Without much success… Did you like take Even's?” One eye closed, it's obvious Lea is digging deep into his memory.

 

“I mostly gave up on it when I became an orphan, that's why you've never heard it. Nonetheless, it's still used on administrative forms.” Taking Even's last name is something he has never felt worthy of. It's even worst with Ansem, for other reasons.

 

“So, you're just Ienzo?” Kairi asks, grabbing a water bottle in her bag to take a sip. The air is getting heavy inside the building.

 

“If you want to be technical, I am Ienzo Mori.” A pause, as their train finally arrives. “I'd appreciate if you could refrain from using it though.”

 

During the ride, he notes how Lea is, once again, closed off, pondering over his lost name without a doubt. Honestly, it's not like Ienzo decided to use it on purpose. It merely happened, in the blink of an eye.

 

“The beach must reminds you of Destiny Islands, am I wrong?”

 

“It does, when I'm with friends. I feel at ease when water is close, listening to the waves,” _must better than waiting on my own_ is what Kairi doesn't add, offering a smile which tugs a little too much on her lips.

 

Apparently, dragging the mood down is Ienzo' special ability today.

 

         There is relief when they reach their destination. No one else is there, except for a food vendor on the street in front of the beach. The gentle sun appears to linger against the sand, making it shine. It's a beautiful sight, although Ienzo doesn't find much interest in it. Once again, his mind goes back to Demyx and his love for the ocean. How it's an infinite world of its own, under the surface.

Rather than running in the waves, they sit on the sand, next to each other. The moment is special, as they are trapped between day and night, away from the rest of the world. A good metaphor for what being a Nobody was about. Not that Ienzo wishes to say it out loud.

 

“I don't feel like I truly belong with Sora and Riku anymore.”

 

Ah, confession time. He has to admit he admires Kairi for openly talking about such topic. Although he wonders why he _always_ has to be present. Or, perhaps they wish to create a safe place for him too, to encourage Ienzo to share his own problems. Which would be foolish, he has absolutely none. On her face, it shows she keeps that inside her heart for as long as she can, until the thoughts have to get out, trying to destroy everything in their way.

 

“Don't say that shit again,” Lea groans, kicking off his shoes to press his feet against the sand. “Once you've trained enough, you'll be by their side once more.”

 

Ienzo is fairly certain he can _hear_ Lea's 'and then I'll be on my own forever' which is obviously unspoken. He had his own tri— Roxas. Oh. That's a weird miscalculation, he notes without knowing what to make out of it.

Well, trios are certainly a part of his own existence too. He wasn't part of the basement one for nothing. Although it feels kind of insulting, like Zexion was some kind of second-class citizen. Not that's exactly wrong, but still.

Aren't they a charming group of kids with abandonment issues? _It's lovely._

 

“I can't even tell them, they are never around!” Her voice rises, and Ienzo hopes their magic is under control. As he would rather avoid getting hit by a random thunder attack. “They are heroes, whereas I always have to fight to catch up. And it grows— the distance, it keeps on expanding. It's hard. How am I meant to save anyone if I can't even find the courage to solve my own past?”

 

_You're not meant to do any of th_ _e fighting_ _, that's their job in their mind,_ Ienzo could remind her. She has always been either asleep or away from the front lines. Oh, he's getting quite cynical, isn't he? Better keep his mouth shut. Even and Aeleus tolerate his personality, but they are partially responsible for it. He hopes he's wrong honestly, that they are able to see her potential. She has more than most people, and a raging fire in her heart. One meant to wrap around others to shield them from harm.

 

“Riku trains us sometimes, so he's kind of there,” Lea remarks, although it sounds empty, like a clumsy attempt at consoling her.

 

“I just want to stand by their side once more.”

 

“Since it's sad stuff time, I made us come here because Roxas wanted to go the beach a long time ago.”

 

Ienzo finds appealing the idea of throwing himself into the sea for an improved bath. It would be fantastic, rather than listening to that mess.

 

“Not that I'm trying to imply your problems aren't important, Kairi, promise! When we ditched training, I thought that by coming there would both feel better. But all we do is fucking cling to people we have lost, or the ones we are losing.” Lea groans, pressing his hands on top of their heads, messing up their hair. Ienzo is fairly certain he wasn't asking to be included, hence his silent judgment. “We're kind of our own kind of trio, right?”

 

_No. Definitely—_

 

“Yes. When I'm with you, it's like I have my own team.”

 

The time has come, that awkward moment where they both stare at him, hoping for Ienzo to confirm their bond.

 

“I ruined your lives, remember?”

 

By pushing hard enough, Ienzo is certain they'll give up. People always do. He doesn't give them a choice, finding disturbing the prospect of being part of some kind of trio. With people around his age? Genuine friends?

**Terrifying**.

 

“Destroyed worlds also. Do I have to list my crimes? Or rather Ienzo's? Zexion's?”

 

It's the same, deep inside, he has always been aware of that fact. Admitting it would be even more painful than waking up without a purpose. Lea hits him in the arm, hard. Which is rude, and it's even worse when Kairi does the same on the other side.

 

“I'm also an ex-member of the Organization, moron.”

 

“You just heard me diss my best friends… We don't care if you were a criminal, because— It doesn't matter. Now you're Ienzo. And we want to be your friend.”

 

_Don't let them,_ Mother whispers against his ear, her voice softer than it should be. _What would they think if they knew how awful you are? How you killed your poor father, and me. Your beloved mother._

Beloved. How ridiculous, she was everything except a kind-hearted person. Must run in the family.

 

“Sometimes, we just need to vent, I swear we're not always that sappy, right Kairi?”

 

She nods.

 

“If you don't scream, I might consider your proposal.”

 

That's a dangerous move, yet the most efficient. Even his old friends would step backward upon witnessing the marred skin. Still, Ienzo isn't at ease with showing them. Or anyone. They— What the heartless did, that night. That's still—

_Painful_.

No matter what he claims, how he pushes away the shadows in his mind, it can't erase what happened to Ienzo. Lea's words, his plea to Even about Isa and him being kids, he would like to take it for himself too. To claim Ienzo was too young, that it wasn't his fault. But it doesn't apply to a monster. There is nothing which wasn't deserved.

Crossing his legs on the sand, he pushes his hair behind his ear, ending up holding a couple of strands back with his fingers.

That's an awful choice, the worst he has ever made (foolish, he has countless of those). Ienzo would rather vanish once more, being swallowed by darkness, water, or anything available. Removing the illusion takes some time, as it's perfectly pressed against his skin, as a comfortable blanket he is used to wear. Eyes closed, it's easier to work without losing his concentration.

A part of the teenager hopes they will shout as loud as possible, allowing him to go back to lonely days.

 

 

They don't.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A huge thanks to Pridearts on Tumblr and the beautiful art they posted on their blog for this fic.  
> Also, your comments and kudos are kind, I appreciate them a lot.
> 
>  
> 
> So, that's the end of the beach episode!

          Fear is logical. A common reaction to one's difference. Ienzo has studied it rather well when his body couldn't handle the stress of hiding the scar from greedy eyes. Dread is something people feast on, using pity to make others believe they shouldn't care too much about their appearance. Difficult to do so, when your own family keeps on reminding you of who you became. Heartless creature, without a purpose. A child, having to grow without any guidance outside of adults driven by apathy and fear. Ienzo can fathom most reactions, as long as they remain negative. It's usual, what he has always experienced, from the start. He refuses to recall how young he was back then, the-real-Ienzo's childish face impaired so badly.

Impossible to forget, no matter how he hides it. His power is efficient against people, building walls and burning bridges, over and over. A lot less towards himself, poisoning his mind. At least, the eye is still here, albeit damaged. Enough to lower his sight on one side. Even kept on telling Zexion to stop hiding it behind his hair, muttering about the lack of light and the problems it would cause. Perhaps he should have listened, for once the other was saying something useful. Too late, without a doubt. Claws have left a couple of souvenirs. Long marks on the side of his face, including one on his ear. That's not the worst, to Ienzo-who-didn't-have-to-endure-it-yet-remembers. His main qualm against the scar is how it healed right away, when Ienzo lost his heart. Stopped bleeding as soon as Zexion woke up. Except the skin got so marred, some parts discolored, others of a deep red which made him sick, that it's impossible to fix it any longer. Healing magic can only erase such damage right after. If the body heals, impossible to rewrite history.

Honestly, it's unfair.

That's a burden from a previous incarnation he'll have to carry for the rest of his _lives_.

From the bottom of his shattered heart, he craved screams and disgust. Those are easier to deal with. He could have cast the illusion once more, wiping that day from his memory. Lea and Kairi have already stopped staring, although he can't tell if that's out of respect, or fear. Perhaps neither. Or both. But they know already. What's like to be disfigured, having something ripped from you, or to destroy beyond recognition. Lea's missions within the Organization were often of such nature, disposing of everything in the way. Easy to encourage him onto that path, with his best friend pulling the strings. He was another kid, wanting to have someone by his side.

Murderers, all of them.

 

“In case you'd like to ask,” his voice is wavering, against his will, “no, it doesn't hurt any longer. Yes, it was inflicted by a heartless. I do prefer to keep it hidden for plenty of reasons.”

 

They can guess them, without a doubt. Lea, not much older, didn't get the opportunity to take a peek at the disaster until that point. Ah, even Zexion refused to give him such honor. Good grief from his past self. Silence grows from calming to uncomfortable at an alarming rate, forcing Ienzo to lift a hand, trying to shield his face from view.

 

“We should have ran away, killed them all,” Lea's harsh tone is not a surprise. Nor is the violence emanating from his heart. The one Xenmas told them they didn't have. Ienzo still believes in that theory, although he is certain Lea doesn't.

 

“Once again, may I remind you I participated in—”

 

“You were like ten, at most. I can forgive that, I guess. Not really but I'm willing to try. But them, honestly? They can burn to death for all I care.”

 

That's certainly an exaggeration. Not that Axel wasn't a skilled assassin, obviously. Yet Lea's goals are focused on getting his friends back, creating bonds strong enough to withstand anything. Neglected child, his file read. Ienzo recalls that detail perfectly, even after countless lives. Alone for hours, the boy who wanted to be remembered, without supervision, only having his dear Isa to go on adventures with. A shame it's not the case any longer.

 

“You caused worlds to disappear, crushing people alongside them into nothing, that's hardly forgivable,” Kairi starts, hands folded on her lap. “But that's the Organization I'd rather blame than you two. You were among the youngest, kids dragged in an awful war. Lea, in the end, you betrayed everyone to save a friend, and not only for yourself.” She doesn't let him protest, hushing him with a stern expression. “Ienzo, you're still not okay at all, so it's harder to expect you to fix your mistakes.”

 

He almost laughs at her nonsensical words, opting for a disbelieved expression instead. It earns him another punch in the arm, albeit this one is lighter.

 

“ _Ienzo-who-is-not-Ienzo-and-not-Zexion-either_.”

 

Ah yes, that.

Indeed, it can be used against him.

Pretending the opposite is a piece of cake. The illusion is already back, shielding his face from the world. Another perfect mask, alongside all the others he carries by his side. Lea is still upset, lips clenched in a thin line, eyes glimmering with what might be tears. Hard to tell.

It's not Ienzo's place to inquire about it.

 

“The youngest is certainly the wiser member of your trio,” he notes out loud.

 

“Our trio, brat.” Fantastic, Lea is able to communicate once more. They should celebrate in some way. Perhaps getting some food from the vendor they passed by earlier. Or drowning together in the water to ensure they won't get to be fools ever again.

 

Both are equally appropriate.

 

“You set the bar _so_ high in the first place.”

 

“Such sarcasm, Kairi, I'm impressed.”

 

Telling her he's grateful for her intervention would be a lie. There is too much out of her grasp, horrors impossible to erase, plaguing their minds. She shouldn't be naive to such extend. Or even worse, believe in them. That trio business is going to shatter them later, Ienzo refuses to believe otherwise.

 

“You guys aren't going to disappear, right?” Lea's voice is frail, barely above a whisper. It's not right, a complete abnormality.

 

The kind Even would love _to dissect_.

 

“Of course not.”

 

Hope is dangerous, if they offer to much of it, reality will come to crush them later. Perhaps Ienzo never had any, dragged into horror too young to be able to believe in his own heart, losing it in the process. Kairi is different, able to push herself forward no matter what. Perhaps out of fear no one would turn around for her. In the end, the princess of heart has no choice. And neither has Lea, focused on saving others more than anything. Is it more convenient than lacking a goal, like Ienzo? He can't tell yet.

 

“Why would we? Your company is not as awful as you believe it to be.”

 

That's certainly an attempt. Ienzo can barely do anything better than that. Too much energy he doesn't have.

Lost under the twilight sky, they are trapped between past and future, unable to move on without accepting the past. Yet, is there anything worth clinging to? He doubts it, just as he isn't keen on trusting the notion of friendship any longer.

Lea screams.

Loudly enough for the others to be jolted out of their reverie. It's not a sound born from pain at all. Merely annoyance. He gets up, kicking the sand with his bare feet in the process.

 

“A trip to the beach is meant to be fun, and that's the opposite of it. Wait there, guys!”

 

Difficult to refuse the proposal since he's already gone. Ienzo uses that time to remove his shoes too, surprised by how warm sand is under his feet. Once again, conversing with others turn into a trial he isn't willing to endure. Still, he glances at Kairi after a while, finding her gaze locked on the waves crashing against the shore.

 

_Don't mess this up,_ he orders himself. In the end, keeping his mouth shut is the best way to avoid a disaster.

 

        “There!” Their hero has returned, hands filled with presents. Crepes. One for each of them. It's hot under his fingers, leading Ienzo to believe ice-cream would have been more appropriate. Although his adoration towards the frozen treat might be excessive. “A shame I don't have my old frisbees, we could have played for hours.” His grin is strained as he crashes by their side.

 

“Obviously, it's not an appropriate beach day without the threat of getting hit in the face.”

 

“He can— Throw his keyblade at worst,” Kairi bites into her crepe, face softening. For a moment, she was in her own world, dissociating from reality. Another symptom of what's definitely a traumatic experience trying to make its grand comeback.

 

As if they would let it happen.

 

“Stop with that joke! I haven't done it in like weeks!”

 

“Charming.”

 

Once their stomachs are filled, they are back into action. No one wants this day to turn into another pity fest, not when they have the beach mostly for themselves. Kairi grabs their hands, squeezing a little longer than anticipated, to ensure they are real, before dragging them towards the water. Waves lick their ankles as they stare at the horizon, until she jumps into the waves with all her strength, splashing them.

A deadly attack!

The ripost is immediate, Lea using his long legs to his advantage. Diving behind the tallest for cover is an excellent choice, until betrayal happens. Throwing him back on the battlefield is uncalled for, Ienzo mutters as he tries splashing them back. He is fairly certain even his hair has gotten wet, with how eager they are. Oddly, the teenager cannot find any memory similar to this one. Games were mostly limited to being carried around by Braig, or learning to cook by himself since none of the adult could make anything edible for him.

Are such activities even considered to be pleasant? For _Ienzo-who-had-never-bothered-with-toys_ , it was.

That moment with Kairi and Lea can mean anything or nothing. Each day could be the last, with the threat of war looming over them. His mind could shut them down too, getting rid of unnecessary emotions. Stepping away from the water fight, he goes farther in the sea. Under the clear water, a lonely starfish grabs his attention, encouraging Ienzo to grab it. No reason to harm the tiny creature, he only wishes to feel the contact against his skin. Their nervous system allows them to feel pain, he remembers reading about it once. By that point, his pants are a lost cause, engorged with water because he went too far. Not that it matters. They'll dry later.

 

“What's that?”

 

“An echinoderm more commonly called a starfish. They are mostly found in—”

 

For once, he manages to shut himself up before going on a full-length explanation. This would certainly bore them after all. Lowering his hand, he allows the creature to be submerged for a moment, unable to remember how long it can withstand being out of the water.

 

“We have them on Destiny Islands too, but their colors are different. Must be because of their natural habitat.”

 

He nods, handing the starfish to Kairi so she can hold it for a moment. Then, she passes it to Lea, whom is more careful, not used to any of this. He hasn't grown up close to a beach, even if Radiant Garden was surrounded by water. And his school experience was too slim for him to have memorized lame details about the marine wildlife.

Once released, the starfish is allowed to go back to its happy life while they get out of the water. Salt is going to damage their clothes if they wait too long to wash them. Fantastic, now Aeleus' caring attitude is contaminating him too.

They can do it later! Who cares! He likes the heavy smell of salt sticking to his body.

 

“Today was enjoyable,” he admits, putting his shoes back on. Ienzo won't go as far as saying 'let's do this again', obviously. Not that they expect such commitment in the first place. Therefore, it's fine.

 

“So, you're officially our friend now, right?”

 

“Perhaps, don't go too fast.”

 

“Yeah, he is our buddy, no take back!”

 

“I never claimed anything like that.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This fic could be called 'the art of hand-holding and dealing with trauma' I think.  
> I hope you'll like this chapter and the fact we apparently have a plot and it's moving forward. Once again, thank you for your comments and kudos! (The bookmarks are very nice too)

          They had their fair share of fake prophets and useless kings growing up. Adults believing in their right to shape their lives into what they deemed fit. Now, it's their task to pick up the pieces, one by one, hands covered in a myriad of sharp cuts. Ienzo has never trusted anything akin to justice, aware it's too personal to be applied to everyone. In the end, nonetheless, there is no doubt their actions caused a tragedy. One the teenager— young adult perhaps, he feels trapped in a new in-between— has pushed away for a moment. Enough to enjoy the guests invading his room. Or rather, he has to keep an eye on them in order to protect the place from getting even worse.

The lingering presence of ghosts is able to turn secondary when they crash on his bed, talking loudly about their latest mission. Traveling through the worlds must be fascinating, when you are able to register them as more than potential experiments. Ienzo stares at the bag of chips in Lea's hands, wondering if he should trap him in an endless nightmare for putting some on the covers. The smell of salt is a pleasant reminder of their trip, although he doesn't especially need one. Sitting on his chair, keeping enough distance between them, Ienzo crosses his legs.

It's better when they start the conversation themselves.

He is too prone to rambling after all.

 

“So, what do you think?” Lea's pointing at Kairi's hair with one hand, the non-greasy one.

 

Shorter. Some kind of new beginning! Certainly, it's linked to the real reason behind their visit. After all this time, Ienzo still refuses to believe he is what they truly care about. It would be absurd. Their brand new friendship is enjoyable, albeit without a reason to exist.

 

“I hope it isn't a suggestion for me to do the same,” Ienzo teases, while giving an approving nod towards Kairi.

 

For some reason, she doesn't seem fully at ease yet. Fingers tuck strands of hair behind her ears, before deciding it's not good enough. The little scene repeats itself until she gets up, making the bed wince under the sudden lack of weight.

 

“I'm going to talk to Dilan, be right back!”

 

Before Ienzo even gets the opportunity to suggest where he could be, she's gone.

In the background, Lea is still munching on his chips.

 

“Want some?”

 

With the back of his hand, Ienzo pushes the bag suddenly in his face away.

 

“She came to hear her grand story, am I right?”

 

“Yeah, she said it's time. I encouraged her and so did Riku. That's not good to keep everything locked away, ya' know.”

 

As the prime example of ignoring his emotions and throwing his own heart away for convenience, Ienzo is indeed familiar with the concept. Elbows on his knees, he observes Lea, wondering if he went as far as sharing his own pitiful tale. Probably not in details. Little tragedies, piling up, from neglectful parents to turning into a test subject and causing the death of his best friend. Of course, it's difficult to offer such words, even to a friend.

Ienzo awaits a change of heart, anything in his mind to stop the cynical tone he has to carry around since he childhood. Obviously, it doesn't come.

Instead, the ex-apprentice turns into a monster once again, wondering how young he could have been while dying. What they would have tolerated in the name of his intellect. Eight? Or even six? Oh, Even wouldn't have been able to look at him ever again.

In retrospect, no matter how damaging such reasoning is, it's unlikely someone that young could have survived losing their heart.

 

“Last time, you told me we should have left without caring for the adults around us. At which point exactly? Before or after our world was bound to be destroyed? Or going back to the origins, when your parents forgot about you for days— I've read your file, what did you expect— or when Kairi still had relatives whom weren't dead?”

 

Taking it too far is his specialty. Old habits die hard, or so they claim. He can't help but antagonizing Lea from time to time, perhaps it's what left of Zexion in his heart. The part which considers the tears from the beach as nothing more than a pathetic justification for everything they had to endure. Chips gets pushed in his mouth, putting salt and grease on his lips.

 

Disgusting, yet tongue and teeth are already crushing the offering. Or rather the way Lea found to make him shut up.

 

“I'd say, earlier than your scar, asshole. Perhaps you still had a heart back then.”

 

Oh, an impressive attack!

 

“I'd love to debate on such topic. Although I believe you would be disappointed to learn I was already like this during my childhood. Only less talkative.”

 

No reason to speak, when there isn't anyone around you to care about your words.

 

“You know awfully lot more stuff on us than the opposite.” As expected from the cloaked schemer.

 

“If you are so eager to learn more, I won't put a damper on your efforts.”

 

“You would be fine with twisting the truth to your liking though.”

 

“Indeed. I'm willing to offer you a single detail which isn't wrong nonetheless.”

 

It's a mistake, to let out something like that. There are countless secrets Ienzo shouldn't share with Lea, if only in the name of their new found friendship. But does it truly matter, if they are already arguing once more? He doubts it. His hand dives into the chips, grabbing enough to avoid talking for a couple of seconds. Better to wait until Kairi is back with them. Lea certainly agrees, since he doesn't press the issue.

The tension in the room gradually disappears, to Ienzo's relief. No matter how insufferable he is at times, his goal is certainly not to push these two away anymore. He wouldn't go as far as claiming they are important— a shame no better term comes to his mind.

 

 

         Sorrow sometimes feels like relief, emotions getting mixed up until the heart can't tell what's right and wrong any longer. Speculating you are alone in this world is not the same as _knowing_ it. Together on the roof (as if the place was appropriate for a conversation) they stare at the sunset in something familiar and completely foreign at the same time. Is it a brand new habit or one so old it was buried once? Kairi has her head against Lea' shoulder, unsure of how to process everything she heard. Not a surprise, no matter how the princess of light has guessed her past on her own.

 

“Has anyone acknowledged what happened,” she eventually whispers, voice laced with something fierce in spite of the news, “took care of the ones we've lost?”

 

Tricky, since most vanished without a body. And for the remaining ones— either they were forgotten in the middle of a this mess or they managed to escape against all odds.

 

“We forgot how to care,” he offers in a genuine yet twisted reply.

 

“I had a grandmother, and beyond her name, I have nothing left. No place to grieve, nothing to make me feel better. Why would anyone come back to Radiant Garden like this?”

 

“They trick themselves into believing they aren't the same as back then. People are excellent as trusting their instincts, no matter what they caused in the past. Even still loves his experiments, I also remain a scientist— one would think we only behave in such way to repair— one's nature can't truly change completely. Barely improve. We bury our past deep into our hearts, pretending it doesn't exist.”

 

Ienzo lacks the ability to offer what she wishes to hear. It's for the better, as Kairi had enough people sugarcoating everything for her. Princess safely tucked away from the front lines, hidden in a castle where everything she touches can shatter her mind over and over. Perhaps he should be kinder and promise a ceremony or something similar. Ienzo refuses to carry such burden.

 

( **H** _ **e**_ _was a child._

_Only a kid._

_Barely ten_.

 

**Ienzo-who-was-Ienzo-and-still-is.**

_No, that's wrong._ )

 

“I ignore how to care,” Lea' sharp tone takes them by surprise, “My parents are gone and— am I supposed to be heartbroken? There's only relief. No more fear— It's awful, isn't it? To say such words.” Each time he mentions them, he asks the same question. _Is it bad to be s_ _o angry_ _?_ The formulation is different each time, the meaning remaining clear.

 

Lines of worry are visible on his face as he stares at the clouds blowing into the air above them, avoiding to look at his friends. That's not their place to judge him and what happened behind closed doors. They are not witnesses, only acquaintances from a blurry past. Why were their families like this, so prone to abuse and taking things away from them until the kids returned the situation in their favor, kill— ah no, that's only Ienzo. The others aren't as cruel as he was, stealing lives without caring for consequences.

 

“But, it's a suggestion Kairi, we could find a way for you to keep your grandmother around there. Something simple, your own memorial without it being a tombstone.”

 

“Keeping the memories I don't have any longer alive?” She's less bitter than she should be, trying to dull her voice so no one would cut it off. Afraid of being silenced for not being strong enough. “We should plant flowers, Dilan told me she loved those. And so did I apparently. It wouldn't be much, but—” While she doesn't comment on Lea's confession, having been aware of his lack of affection towards his relatives for a long time, she squeezes his hand, the other around Ienzo's.

A little too much, as usual. Her fear of abandonment shining through once again. Kairi has lost so much confidence by pouring it in her friends, without keeping any to herself. Oddly, Ienzo finds himself pressing back against the hand, refusing to let go. A silent gesture of support, better than running away.

 

“Let's do that next time then. Bright flowers for your grandmother, maybe the colors of the sunset?”

While he is mixing up their tragedies, associating Radiant Garden to Twilight Town, Lea is obviously trying to be supportive. And Kairi thanks him by pretending she doesn't notice how his fingers are slightly trembling in hers.

They are so young. Survivors not so alone in the world any longer.

 

“Dilan promised to search for a picture in the archives, I suppose it's the best I can hope for. To have just one memory, even if I have to create it myself,” she will fight to obtain what she has lost. Even if it's not as important for the universe, to her it's everything. “I ignore if my parents can comprehend how painful it is. I was their miracle, a child without a past they could cherish. Yours weren't that great, were they?”

 

“No, they weren't. I'm not even sure they looked for me when I got experimented on.” Disturbing, although Lea is strained rather than shocked by that terrible prospect.

Ienzo won't bother confirming his words. No need to state the obvious.

 

“I murdered my parents,” the confession is finally out, thrown carelessly in their faces.

 

He tries to relent his grip on Kairi's hand, although she doesn't allow it.

How bothersome they are, these two. Always trying to meddle in his life and to understand emotions Ienzo himself would rather do without.

 

“Would you like to hear such pitiful story?”

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see! I hope everyone's doing well.  
> It took me a while to write this chapter, I hope you'll enjoy it.  
> Once again, thank you for your support~
> 
> warning: this chapter deals with murder and the whole radiant garden tragedy

         Back then, in the silent manor with the endless staircase, a choice was made. One without an absolution, bound to cause grief to everyone around him. Some would call what happened a mistake, an act created out of fear, a way for one to protect themselves. The problem with such defense is that the culprit is often aware of how far from the truth it is. The king's gentleness is remembered as disgusting, cold fingers pressing against his shoulders and squeezing whereas he wished to be left alone until the end of the world.

Stories were not as fascinating as real mysteries, the ones found behind closed doors. The hushed whispers of his mother to the shadows, as if they were having a delightful little chat. Or the way his father would check everything twice. Locked doors, lights always off not to attract anything from outside at night. Paranoia, perhaps. Ienzo could tell the oddities, without considering them as symptoms. He fed on secrets, not minding to be forgotten for too long. At times, it was more convenient than being crushed by distant accusations of being a monster.

 

The bastard child his mother had with the shadows lurking in her bedroom at night.

 

His magic came by little touches, distilling itself into his surroundings until reality turned into something else. Ienzo couldn't exactly control anything, as a young child. A change of color, or shape. That was the extend of what made sense. Later, he started to imitate his mother, engaging with the shadows. By sitting next to them, book on his lap. Unlike her, the child didn't see much. Only a pair of flickering eyes in a corner of his gaze out of the blue.

His parents were different from their peers, albeit not like him at all. He only copied what he saw, turning dreams into vivid nightmares. Ienzo recalls the delicious smell of new books his parents left on the bed without a word, or the way the rain taped against the window during storms. Not running around with friends or learning anything other than by his own hands. They isolated him, and back then, the kid thought it was to shield him from what was outside.

 

_Perhaps their goal was to keep the horror inside instead._

 

 

         Neglect is a form of abuse, isn't it? Obviously, Ienzo is aware of how deep psychological damage can run. It shapes the person into what they shouldn't have been, without allowing them to imagine another possibility. Trapped in a house filled with secret passages and knowledge, he still felt the urge to find an exit. A part of _Ienzo-who-died-once-or-twice_ cannot tell if he truly had parents at some point, or if they were merely a fragment of his imagination mixed with his power. They might have left, forcing their young son to build something equivalent out of smoke and mouths with too many teeth. He remembers being concerned each time one smiled, the expression grotesque and pushing too much on the corners of their lips.

 

Mother and Father, absent until they suddenly appeared so close he could barely breathe.

 

His parents vanished, or so he thought.

Illusions, perhaps the shadows born inside the house themselves, sought compensation for their crimes.

 

Ienzo isn't certain he wished for them to die, merely to disappear from his existence. In a way, he scared them to death, showing them their worst fears until they crumbled and turned into entangled corpses in the hallway.

 

He went to bed after locking the bedroom door.

 

The following morning, there was nothing except a dark mark on the rug. Ienzo simply walked around it, avoiding the problem. Heart empty, he walked towards the front door, hand stopping at the last second. Outside was the territory of light, where he couldn't survive. Danger all around, unlike the familiar protection of the house.

 

Thus he stayed, for days. Or weeks.

Until they came for him.

 

Ienzo has never been one hundred percent sure of what happened during that fateful night. Had he been forgotten long ago, creating toys to play with? Or were the bodies eaten by the house, treated as an offering?

 

 

         “You've never asked Ansem? Or anyone?” Lea's beyond baffled, a little pale too.

 

“No. I am fond of pursuing knowledge although this story is less painful this way, as some sort of child's dream.”

 

“What happened to the house?” Kairi has let go of his hand, without running away. Ienzo supposes they are truly his friends by that point.

 

He has never told this to anyone before, not even the king or his most loyal followers. Out of fear of being rejected, or disgusting them, as a child. And then he grew, basking into what would later become Zexion's most lethal weapon.

In the end, it does not matter if his parents truly existed or not.

 

“I heard it caught fire mysteriously one day, while awaiting new owners who never came.”

 

“Was it your doing?”

 

A chuckle can't help but pass his lips, as he leans a little closer to Kairi. She is sharp, words able to cut forward like a weapon when she needs to be heard. Her face still shows the stigmas of tears and yet she doesn't relent. She's learning confidence and it suits her well.

 

“Perhaps.”

 

The truth can be changed, depended on who is looking at it. Each person has their own vision of what happened. Some might call him an assassin, others would threaten the monster. Ienzo is a schemer, tracing his own way forward while leaving a confusing trail of lies behind him.

 

“Ansem and his followers decided I had witnessed something traumatic enough to be mute as a result. In fact, I do remember merely not finding any usefulness in my voice for a long time.”

 

The shadows his mother cared for with fondness could have been heartless, had they been around in Radiant Garden such a long time ago. Ienzo doubts it, without wishing to find the answer. Just as he is aware of how futile making up excuses for what happened is.

There is much left to do. Fixing his family isn't one of these things. It's beyond his grasp which might be for the best. He'd appreciate to find more interest in lending a hand to his new friends however. He is stuck there for plenty of reasons, many having to do with his crimes, and the nature of his existence in itself. Too many reincarnations mixed together. Fingers hesitantly press against his face, removing the illusion over the scar.

 

“Have you ever considered the possibility of leaving? Abandoning your duty in favor of freedom?”

 

They have been conditioned into being heroes or princesses. Sometimes both at once. Traitors and friends. Ienzo crosses his legs as the wind blows against them.

Suddenly, the question feels nonsensical. After all, why would they give up on their precious—

 

“Hm, yes.”

 

“Yeah, of course.”

 

Oh. Interesting.

 

“My original adventure with Sora and Riku, it was a way to flee. We didn't want to grow up, thinking it would be easier for us to go away somewhere where we could write brand new stories together.”

 

“You would certainly have died during such foolish trip.”

 

“We were pretty young back then, I guess.” She manages a faint smile, brushing away the remaining tears in her eyes. “You're kind of right about it being badly planned though.”

 

The bearers of light, annihilated by their own stupidity. Xenmas would have been horrified for sure.

 

“I left Isa behind when I betrayed the Organization. And sure it was _Saix_ , we could argue about that. But still—friends are friends— sometimes you have to go against their wishes for your own sake,” he wraps an arm around Ienzo' shoulders, staring at his mangled skin without any disgust in his gaze, “If you want to run away, do it.”

 

Was it that obvious he was inquiring about his own situation? The ex-apprentice isn't sure of how he's meant to proceed. On one hand, dismissing the advice is a piece of cake. On the other hand, aren't wishes born on an impulse the most valuables? Having a heart is certainly troublesome. He is missing bits and pieces which can't be found. Why do they want to fill the holes so badly?

 

“Come with us,” Kairi adds, imitating Lea with her arm, “let's go on our own adventure. As children we weren't given a choice. That's why, now we ought to take a stand for what we believe in. I'd rather travel and warn people of what will come than train forever to be ready for one single fight.”

 

“Sounds like a mighty quest. A shame I cannot join you. Can you imagine the waste of my existence if I were to figure out how to bring back Roxas by staying there for example.” There is a slim possibility. One he should look into soon, with the help of Ansem's data. He has avoided touching it only because the King and him didn't exactly get along well in the end. Is it guilt? Ienzo has no desire to dwell on it.

 

He has betrayed every single parental figure he encountered.

That's what it's easier to be cruel by reminding Lea of his lost friend.

 

“Well, ya' know, Roxas isn't there. I mean, he's within Sora, so we haven't lost him forever.” A long hand squeezes his shoulder until it's almost painful. “You're alive, Ienzo. _You're here_ too. That's why, no matter how you caused my death and I murdered you—you should exist for yourself. Fuck that whole absolution bullshit. We aren't forgivable in the first place, and I don't give a damn.”

 

Nitwits. Both of them. Their reaction is abnormal (why does he always end up using the word around them?), considering how he narrated his parents' end. Their grand speech has little value. How he is supposed to be alive? At which point his heart is meant to grow back under his ribcage? Until that point, it hasn't for sure. Or else, Ienzo wouldn't be so lost and utterly lonely in his constant struggle against the world and himself.

Pushing them off takes his strength away. Shaky legs barely supporting his weight as he climbs back into the bedroom, without looking back. He has never been talented at taking people's feelings into consideration. After all, Ienzo ignores how to accept his own emotions. His friends, _parasites_ , are not behind him, allowing the scientist to wander around the castle. He has already decided to avoid them for the rest of the day.There are many places where he could go. Closed doors and lost keys.

In fact, most of them are simply at the same place as they always were; the apprentices pretending otherwise.

 

 

        The basement is a nemesis still. As long as the path is clear, following the main corridor, there is no danger. There is so little that Sora has seen. Keys are indeed where they belong, allowing Ienzo to grab the heaviest of them. There is a part of the castle he hasn't been since— Was he _Zexion_ , the last time? The ache in his body turns suffocating as he pushes away a tapestry to find the door he was looking for. Leaving it open would be enough to bring back everyone into tragic memories. Thus, he closes it, without the key, stepping down another staircase.

For one second, the world shapes itself into an illusion born from the lack of light. He is quick to dismiss it, ensuring he won't get trapped into what can't be changed. Fingers find the light switch, the remaining neon lights flickering angrily at being awoken from slumber. Obviously, no one ever bothered to return there. Patches of dim shades cover the floor, making difficult to witness where he is walking. There are twenty-four tiles, Ienzo recalls this much. On the right, there is a hallway with endless doors where they stocked a couple of patients ( _test subjects)_ and everything else. And on the left, experimentation rooms. The ones Even did not allow him to visit with the last bit of humanity he had left.

 

He picks the right side.

Most rooms are locked, keys somewhere in that part of the basement. Technically, no one could be trapped and still alive. Heartless have little care for walls or locks. How many perished back then though? Upstairs, Kairi and Lea are gone, he hopes. Giving him the space he always seems to crave. His feet trip over a bed in the first unlocked room. Apparently, someone tried to push it against the door so it couldn't be opened, with no avail.

Indignation is unable to find its way into his mind, as Ienzo sits down. The mattress emits a protesting sound under his weight as he lays on his back, staring at the ceiling. One leg dangling in the air, the teenager who is older than he should be, finds the silence maddening. Screams, that's the lone memory he has. Deafening shouts echoing all around, although there was nothing left to save. Opportunities lost and families shattered. Lea's parents would have gotten their son back, if they had asked. Ienzo would like to believe Aeleus and Dilan's hearts weren't as empty as his own, even under the influence of darkness.

 

They did not though. Lea died without any support, barely trying to rescue Isa and failing.

To call them, Kairi too, unlucky would be unfair, wouldn't it?

 

The odds were against them from the start. People did not fight for them, or not enough. What is the point of trying to achieve anything positive now? Running away, seeking a better life? What a pathetic joke. Ienzo has nothing he cares about, and never had. The child he was couldn't even weep for his parents.

It echoes with Lea's relief of being an orphan. No one to cut parts of your heart off left. Hands press against his face, trying to push against the manged skin to make it vanish. That's not fair! They were so young, unable to save anyone. Why do they even stand on the same side nowadays? For their own selfish desires? To be forgiven or to find someone to listen? To matter and stop being thrown aside?

In the middle of this hatred for this war he partially caused, what Ienzo loathes above the rest is how important Lea and Kairi have become to him. The apprentices were mentors, teachers shaping him into something wrong, with good intentions. But these two are around his age, a little younger and older. Friends is the most appropriate term for them.

 

That's—overwhelming.

Friendship is not what he sought by isolating himself in the castle to work on unsolvable problems.

Hell, what is he even looking for? A punishment?

 

Ienzo sits up abruptly, enough for the world to spin. Tears spill on his lap for the first time in this life. Perhaps the past ones too. He runs, without being sure of the point he is trying to make, choking on bitter lies and memories. Doors fly open as he tries them all, facing only empty bedrooms or storage ones.

 

At nine, the orphan went back to his childhood home, using matches and gasoline until the shadows were eaten away by flames and nothing was left.

After that, his voice started to return, word after word.

 

This time, it's impossible to burn his mistakes away. Mostly because it wouldn't be fair for the victims. The last door is a mess, with dozen of registry long forgotten. That's not all, there are boxes filled with broken souvenirs alongside them too. Lifting a heavy registry, he blows on the cover, making his nose itchy until he sneezes. Urg, this is a complete mess. Obviously, not everything has been noted, especially after their betrayal. But perhaps, by looking around, he can find the one with the names inside.

 

It won't fix anything, nor especially help.

 

Ienzo has the sudden urge to do so nonetheless, rather than giving up. For what seems like hours, he walks around the room, trying to put together what has long been gone. Perhaps he'll leave Radiant Garden, at some point. Soon or not. Packing without a word and slipping outside in the middle of the night. Or he'll stay, bringing old friends back and helping in his own way. It doesn't truly matter.

 

On a shelf, under dust, he spots familiar toys.

Ah, it has been a while.

 

One hand grabs Lea's frisbees, the other cradling the right registry against his chest as he makes his way up the stairs.

Tears are wiped away awkwardly with his wrist. Honestly, letting everything out doesn't feel liberating, merely troublesome.

 

Who cares, in the end? Ienzo has to press his weight against the door until it opens, tapestry getting in his face. How aggravating.

 

Upstairs, he walks in front of a room where Dilan and Aeleus are playing cards. Perfect.

 

“Your little friends said they'd be back another day,” Dilan comments without lifting his head, obviously losing against his old rival. Ah, Aeleus has always been excellent at such games.

 

“May I have some help?” His voice rises as he drops the registry and toys on the table They recognize what he has brought back from hell immediately, turning paler than they should be. “Do not stare at— is it my face? Yes it's how it is, horrifying, kind of tragic, _heartless_ you could even say. I'd appreciate if you could abandon your game to come downstairs with me. I cannot carry boxes by myself.”

 

For the first time since he is Ienzo once more, energy runs through his veins, in the midst of _emotions_. They ought to bring everything important back upstairs. For what? Ienzo cannot be certain yet. He'll figure it out later. After all, isn't the smartest person around there?

 

Hair pushed behind his ear, he stares, for longer than compulsory, at them. “Shall we go then?”

 

They are going to ask a myriad of questions. Oh and Even—Let's not ponder over his reaction. They have much to accomplish today. “I have friends I won't disappoint, this time around.”

 

This sentence, no matter how strong, is kind of an exaggeration since he never had friends before. Ah, that's a detail! Leaning over Dilan' shoulder, he sighs, taking cards off his hand.

 

“You had no chance anyway, therefore the game is over.”

 

“What's wrong with you today?!”

 

“Less than usual, I suppose.”

 

He is fairly certain there's a smile on Aeleus' lips as he gets up, encouraging Dilan to follow.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been a long time once again. The past weeks were difficult for me, I suffered a loss in my family and... Let's say things aren't that good. Nonetheless, I do hope you'll appreciate this chapter.  
> I wrote it on a whim today. It's focused on Even and Ienzo's bond this time around. I don't know exactly how long this fic is going to be, but even once it has ended, maybe I'll write a second part to it. Who knows.
> 
> Thank you for your kudos~

        Without a doubt, writing such paper is a mistake. It'll give the public exactly what it wants without caring for anyone's opinion. Ienzo has little qualms about pointing fingers at the ones who lived by his side, or himself. In a similar fashion, there isn't any guilt in his hand as he traces loud accusations towards citizens who certainly allowed crimes to occur. After all, which kind of deranged soul would not look for their missing child, merely finding relief in one less burden? Adulthood is another experiment he has no attention to complete without proper research first. Hence the way he has decided to call himself a teenager at times, when the monster glares at him in the mirror, endless screams being muffled by his own thoughts.

Isn't he both though? Child and adult; distorted creature with the marred face and empty gaze, and the tired reflection his mind has never allowed him to witness. Ienzo wonders how people can live while using mirrors properly, free from illusions piling on top of one another until reality turns into a bittersweet concept he'd rather not consider. His penmanship has always been rugged, letters not traced with much care as words keep on pouring out until the sentence gets lost in itself.

 

Flowers are described in great details, from the colors they picked together to their meaning. A meager tribute for forgotten souls. He still has to voice the importance of the gesture to Kairi. In a selfish way, it's her own way of grieving, not taking others into account as much as her own pain. That's not the point in the first place; she has no reason to offer an apology to a world which has willingly erased her. Memories won't return, nonetheless she still intends of creating new ones based on her forgotten past. For herself, mostly, but also for people she cares about.

Scientific terms get overshadowed by the sheer amount of fatigue in Ienzo. He replaces them with what fools will understand. Isn't it what they all are, these adults? Insults are carefully crafted, hidden under concepts and realities the citizens of Radiant Garden ignored by covering their ears. Copious lines are direct attacks, condemning Lea's parents by name. Trashing memories which are already unpleasant, how could it be called a crime? His fierce friend (ah, he is starting to get fond of that term, how odd) is his accomplice in this infamy. Lea narrates what was kept behind closed doors until fire sparks in his gaze. It turns into a volcano, or perhaps a waterfall would be the most appropriate term. Tears born from rage do not taste the same as the ones created from sadness, that's so basic. How could people not been aware of such fact? When Kairi holds them, arms strong and comforting, even Ienzo is able to close his eyes and lean into the embrace. He hugs the crying man and the teenager without caring about consequences, finding solace in such moment without being able to voice the strange warmth in his chest.

 

 

         The scar grows each time he ponders over it, spreading across the side of his face to choke him. Ienzo banishes the illusion he is creating out of fear in the blink of an eye, fingers pressing against the marred skin until he can trace its shape from memory. If he has decided to live with that mark, then he won't allow anyone to sabotage this plan, especially not himself.

 

“Most of this is nonsense,” Even claims, as loud as he has always been when displeased. The most competent of them all, yet their weak link, lacking the hint of humanity and restrain compulsory to remain part of this world. “The committee will have no patience for your foolishness, boy.”

 

_Boy_. The word is spat akin to an insult, lacking the fondness of old times. It lost its charm the day where he surpassed his mentor, didn't it? By becoming superior to Even, Ienzo took away the little bit of pride the other still clung too. That was secondary back then. Still is, in a way.

 

“I do hope so,” he sighs, gaze drifting away on its own, “My emotions are far from being nonsensical, Even. They are a consequence. Am I meant to forgive myself and move on? There is an incredible unfairness in how children and adults alike were used for our own gain, and I intend on exposing it.”

 

Ienzo has no reason to point out the way Even's body is barely holding on as the other leans forward, bones aching under the gesture. That's a fight he cannot take part in. Before, he would have considered such attitude as an inability to feel, nothing out of the ordinary. Although it's different now. He has enough to deal with, nightmares surrounding his existence since childhood. He cares nonetheless, without having the strength to step in. With just enough trust in Dilan and Aeleus to believe they will manage something.

 

“It's not a matter of reputation— you can surely tell this much— you're going to ruin everything we have built! No trust can come from your declarations. At best, we'll remain pariahs. At worst, you're aware of how deep mob mentality can run.”

 

“ _They_ chased you once, in another life.”

 

The mention of the past tastes like another betrayal.

 

“ _They_ did. Burned down my house and everything I had during a cold month until I found myself lost in an endless blizzard.”

 

The rest of the story is as pitiful as its start. Found on the verge of death, the teenager was raised by Ansem and Braig, back when it was only the three of them. A wary creature, unable to recover from the trauma of that fateful day where everything went up to flames. And, when it happened again, it's no surprise panic managed to erase what was simply a mask Xemnas painted on their face. Son of religious parents who practiced something a little bit wicked, with non-existent morals, Even should have been allowed to drown into science. The opposite happened, as he turned into a heretic, cut forever from what had been his home from birth. A village hidden in the mountain, devoured years later because no one knew enough of its inhabitants to offer them a warning before the world was swallowed by darkness.

 

“I wouldn't allow such fate to repeat itself.” Perhaps there is annoyance in his tone as he sits next to the other on the kitchen counter. Ah, wasn't he saying he couldn't fight for that fool, not long before? Even's long legs almost reach the floor, mug of coffee clenched so hard that bony hands might shatter at any second. For a master of deceit, offering comfort so directly is out of the ordinary. Enough for Ienzo to sigh, removing the mug in a swift move before he is able to take a sip of it. “Disgusting,” he comments, emptying it into the sink without caring about protest.

 

None comes anyway.

The conversation in itself is an oddity, born in the middle of a sleepless night as Even found him in the kitchens. Long hair tinkles against his head as the oldest lowers his shoulders in defeat, sheets of paper resting on his lap.

 

“What will I do, if one day a fragment of my past manages to reach this place? Pretend I have never been one of them? I am ignoring the facts, am I not? The possibility of survival for them is zero, I've already calculated the result countless times.”

“You own nothing to your clan. At the second where they rejected you, that bond was severed.” Lea has taught him such cruel truth, having endured the role of the traitor long enough to be certain of what it implies. It's tiresome, to be the one having to state such evident truths, over and over. Families where children and parents are enemies, isn't it too familiar? Ansem offered more than he should have, that's all he allows himself to consider. There's progress in other things though. Friendship couldn't have saved anyone back then.

 

Isa and Lea can confirm it.

Maybe it's different now.

 

“I can surely do without your pity,” Even spits, as difficult with support as he is with everything else, “do not publish this, relent from announcing what should remain unspoken, Ienzo.”

 

“I refuse. And cease to consider my words as such, I have no animosity towards you,” he announces, frown tugging on the old scar. They do not comment much on it, perhaps because there isn't anything to say in the first place. “You are an insufferable old man— don't scoff at me— which isn't incompatible with being— ah, if even I, the schemer, cannot pick my words carefully, this world is surely doomed.”

 

“You still give yourself too much importance, Ienzo.” Cold fingers pat his shoulder awkwardly. “You will send this report of yours through Radiant Garden no matter my words, won't you?” Quick to admit defeat, the oldest is as tired as he is from fighting meaningless battles.

 

“Indeed. You can either accept or endure this reality.”

 

“I doubt you can succeed without me. Your handwriting is barely readable. And all these grammar mistakes, you need someone to proofread everything,” Even's rant continues, voice as sharp as a scalpel during an autopsy. While Ienzo is always bothered by critics, he'd rather not make a fool of himself in front of the whole town. “For a self-taught genius, you lack so many basics.”

 

“I wonder who forgot to teach them to me later on, you know when I was in your care.”

 

“Each day you turn more like Lea, it's going to make me lose another life if it continues.”

 

“A shame.”

 

Antagonizing each other fit them well, Ienzo reminds himself while Even walks towards the table, complains resonating around the kitchens. It's the same thing with Lea anyway. He doesn't dwell on the little kid in the oversized lab coat he remembers, and how he couldn't catch up with the scientist back then. Zexion proved himself a long time ago, enough to allow **Ienzo-who-is-truly-Ienzo** to avoid being forced to do the same.

 

“We dragged you into this, didn't we?” The question is hushed, Even refusing to lift his gaze towards him.

 

For the first time, rather than claiming his age isn't an excuse, Ienzo crosses his arms on the table, silent. _We were manipulated,_ he could offer, trying to bring comfort, or rather to bring himself down. As a child, being able to read behind the lines with Xehanort couldn't have worked out. The rest of the apprentices however— Ah that's enough! He is sick of this endless topic.

 

“Yes, you caused my death.” He doesn't add how, together, they inflicted a similar punishment on Lea and Isa and the others. That's not the damn point. Ienzo shouldn't have to drag his own mistakes on the table each time he manages to blame another person. “You could have stopped him, with Aeleus and Dilan.” Braig had his own agenda already, impossible to believe otherwise.

 

Blinded by empty promises, the apprentices destroyed the universe, and Ienzo was more of a tool than a perpetrator in the beginning. That's Zexion who turned everything around. Without a heart and behaving like the people who raised him. No second chance, time cannot be turned around, it follows its course without them.

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

Words get lost somewhere between his heart and mind. He gets up, hands pressed against the table for support. Even's apology should have come years prior, when it still made sense. Now it's nonsensical at best. There is no attempt at stopping him from walking away, merely a nod from the oldest. Only once he has reached the door, Ienzo dares to speak up, offering a lone sentence before leaving.

 

“I'm sorry too.”

 

 

         The following morning, he finds a brand new version of his paper, devoid of unwanted change and thoroughly corrected, awaiting him on his desk. Time to make copies and distribute them around, Ienzo supposes. He lingers for a moment in front of Even's room, wondering if he should knock. Probably not.

Another time.

 

Pushing the heavy doors of the castle with his shoulder, he takes a moment to brush long strands of hair in front of his face. Today, the scar will stay. Because he refuses to run away.

And anyone caught staring for too long can get a slight glimpse of his power. After all, being human doesn't force him to be kind or merciful if he doesn't feel like it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It has been a long time! Thank you for your encouragements, I'll finish this story one day I swear.  
> This chapter is centered of Ienzo's bond with Aeleus, and then we'll be back to the usual trio with Lea and Kairi in the next one.

        There is a lot to say, sentences getting tangled to the point they wouldn't make sense anyway. Rage spreads through Radiant Garden. Or perhaps that's a revolt, citizens waking up of a long dream after allowing horror to spread dozen of times before. How pitiful, for them to only react now. Should have cared as they sacrificed them on the altar of science. Now, what is it left to steal outside of badly mended hearts? Ienzo is the main culprit in this story, since he wrote each line of the report he pressed into people's hands, sliding them under doors and pinning them to windows. If lunch gets tense, everyone reunited on the exact day where he is turning into the terrible family child once more, he pretends that's none of his problem. In a way, he is right. What happened— causes and consequences have been listed with care. If people cannot bother to read carefully, he shouldn't get into trouble for their incompetence.

 

“You will take care of the complains yourself, I assume.”

 

“Why should I, Aeleus?”

 

Oh, there is a hint of mockery in his tone. Ienzo should thread carefully among his peers, the innocence of childhood long gone (did it even exist once?) and impossible to be used as an excuse to justify his behavior. Although emotions have been dulled inside his heart for a long time, he believes none of this is fair. He has no reason to deal with what his writing is going to bring, as citizens certainly knew enough to have stopped them, hadn't they been cowards.

Lately, having— feelings, yes that's the right word, is a chore. It turns the mind into a battlefield where he has already lost years ago. Zexion would have found such ache fascinating, picking it apart and leaving none of it alive. To Ienzo, that's merely bothersome. What do the others know about humanity anyway? Some hide deep inside the castle, afraid of what light would do to them, others taking tentative steps at such a slow pace nothing is bound to change. Ah, he is being cruel on purpose. After all, he was a murderer before they even obtained weapons.

 

He does not want to deal with any of this.

By the time they notice the person glaring at them is an illusion, he is already back into his room. Walls are heavy enough to block the way Even is certainly protesting against his behavior. He should have taught him better then.

 

There is not much resentment left toward the other though. The apology might have been meaningless, for sure. Although that was much than anyone else ever offered and Ienzo must be a fool to cling to such pathetic display of care and affection. The mirror is flipped over, so he can stare at the scar for once, testing what is going to follow. His mind is still acting up, shadows forming in the reflection, inaudible words on the monster's lips. This time, out of patience, Ienzo opens the window, throwing what might as well be a phobia by that point as far as he can. It bounces on the roof below, breaking in enough pieces for relief to invade his head for a couple of seconds.

Better than nothing.

 

Outside of the gates, he witnesses angry citizens unable to organize themselves enough to protest. They march to the heavy doors, slamming their hands against them until they obtain no reply and get bored. Even that is too much to ask from them, hm? Grabbing hairpins and clips, Ienzo pushes his hair back, ensuring it won't get in his face as he works. That's rare, to make such reckless choice. Who is going to comment on his face when he is the only human in the room? Shadows will be ignored, their opinion disregarded as it should always be. Mother is such a lovely creature, lurking by his side at any given time, as a representation of the guilt he cannot get rid of. He'd like to banish everything, the castle and her at once.

Being impulsive will not get him anywhere.

 

 Sitting cross-legged on the bed, Ienzo tries to remember the sensation of the heavy book in his hands, aware of the limitations of his power without it. Ah, the lexicon has never truly belonged to him in the first place. Another abnormality. Linking the child and him is possible now, albeit disgusting, yet the Nobody in the middle is breaking the chain. He was Zexion, the dramatic schemer who taunted everyone and planned without any regard for his companions. It did not even save him, so what was the point? He should have been more cunning— Hasn't he done enough? In each life.

Ienzo has started to understand, day by day, why he opted to dissociate himself from his other incarnations. Neat lines and boxes to ensure they would never impede on his actual existence. How foolish, he exists only because everyone else died once. He was reborn, heart ripped out and then forcefully shoved back. With annoyance, he manages to conjure an illusion of the lexicon on his lap, only to throw it on the other side of the room. How improper.

He won't solve the turmoil inside his heart by getting rid of everything which doesn't fit. Ah, Ienzo is disgruntled by how better he was doing lately, only to revert back into— well, he wasn't so furious prior to this. Frustrated on a daily basis true, although not to such extend. Perhaps he should go and talk with his old mentors, trying to put clumsy words on his skilled tongue. No, that would be a waste. Even apologizing was already an important step he refuses to undo. With a long sigh, Ienzo presses his wrists against his ankles, trying to empty his head for a short time. It never works anyway.

 

 

       The moon is bright tonight, illuminating his room so he opts to go for a midnight walk. Not that he fears shadows in the first place, as they are a part of him. Past the gardens, the town is silent already. Noise could have been an acceptable distraction although he has to settle with what is offered. Black clothes and hair still pinned back with hair clips, he glances at the fountain where he met Lea and Kairi for the first time in this life. Hadn't they been there, what would have happened? Oh, he would have been more capable of focusing on his duties at the castle, rather than playing this game of freedom and friendship. Foot pressing against the ledge, he climbs on the old construction, careful to follow the pattern of the bricks. Did he enjoy such futile activities as a child? Probably not.

 

“Ienzo.”

 

Ah, here comes trouble. Exasperation flashes over his face, Ienzo showing less care than before in his expression. He doesn't bother turning around, following the endless circle around the fountain instead.

 

“Aeleus.”

 

Is this a rite of passage? Does he ought to talk with each apprentice to move forward? Apologies have already been offered once, he couldn't care less about a second time. Aeleus has always been— important. Ah, so much for calling him a mere colleague over the past months. Bridges crafted with care only to be crushed on an impulse.

 

“You finally took on my offer to throw away your mirror. In an unconventional way.”

 

Oh, that's why he has to endure another discussion then. Ienzo scoffs, fists clenched inside his pockets. As he stares at Aeleus, he notes how the other remains taller even as he is standing on the fountain.

 

“Instructions were unclear, you did not mention I couldn't use the window to get rid of it.”

 

A battle of wits against his old friend is never going to work in his favor. Stubborn as rocks, neither of them will admit defeat. They stare for a while, behaving as immovable forces against each other, until Aeleus sighs. It's a heavy sound, laced with worry and exhaustion. He has less to run around to care for the others, although it's challenging for them to feel like they belong. There is still so much do to, progress to be made, and Ienzo isn't helping by digging into the past relentlessly. Before the oldest can say anything else, prompting an argument to erupt, he opens his mouth.

 

“How can I get my lexicon back?” That's kind of an oblivious question, in the midst of their problems. A point he is certainly the sole person to care about. “I'm not akin to you all, I still have most of my power.” Weaker than before, as illustrated by the fact he has to show his scar to have access to the rest.

 

“Who would you fight against? Yourself?”

 

Such a low attack. Jaw clenched, Ienzo considers the possibility to merely flee this conversation as he did with the previous one, believing himself to be above social conventions. Would it change anything? What is there to improve between them in the first place? He doesn't exist to be the child they always have to scold. Still, words like these are hard to swallow, filled with a reality he's rather push as far as possible. Turning his gaze away, Ienzo finds himself coating his tongue in poison once more.

 

“Perhaps. Or I ought to remember how to defend myself since the person meant to assume this role failed twice.”

 

Aeleus, to his credit, allows him a couple of seconds to realize what he has said. And then, large palm presses against his chest, pushing Ienzo backward. The water is colder than anticipated, soaking his clothes immediately. Unlike the beach, that's an unpleasant experience, one which leaves him with daggers in his gaze as he lifts his head towards his old mentor. Arms crossed over his chest, refusing to lend a hand, the man appears as revolted as he is. Although it's more subtle on his face than on Ienzo's.

 

“Refrain from pretending I didn't do my best to protect you.”

 

There is an urge to be unfair, damaging until nothing is left. Why is he like this? There is nothing to gain from antagonizing Aeleus. Especially as he made an effort with Even. Silence lingers, growing into something as uncomfortable as the damp sensation in his shoes.

 

“I know,” he eventually confesses, words muffled as he has no intention to articulate properly.

 

“You have been frustrated lately.”

 

“I guess you could say that.”

 

A pause.

Aeleus is awaiting for him to continue. Is there a point in pursuing the conversation? Ienzo isn't certain. The other rarely engages in such things without a reason though.

 

“Isn't acceptance of one self meant to help, rather than allowing me to create problems out of thin air and dusty memories?”

 

“Is it what you believe you're doing, Ienzo?”

 

“My report hasn't been received with praise.”

 

“Did you expect any?”

 

“Not in the slightest. I had to expose the truth. A revenge, you could say, rather than an absolution.”

 

“What you have done is acceptable. As long as you deal with consequences.”

 

“And what if I have no intention to?”

 

“Then you better craft a clever plan to avoid talking to the public.”

 

A hand is outstretched toward him, palm open. Ah, it's the same one who pushed him in the first place. Hesitation spreads in his head for a while. A storm raging with whispers of what could be a lie. Ah, he is the one who seeks deceit more than anyone else. Slowly, Ienzo removes each hair clip, until he is back to who he is meant to be. After sliding them into his pocket, he accepts the gesture, allowing Aeleus to drag him out of the fountain.

 

“You can leave if you desire to do so. There is no unspoken rule saying you have to remain with us now you're adult.”

 

“You remain my guardians nonetheless.” He loathes himself from the bottom of his new found heart, for this sentence. Are they all trying to throw him away, hm? Certainly not. He remembers Kairi and Lea claiming he should travel with them. And that feels— painful? No, that's an emotion he is unable to comprehend. He isn't ready, will never be.

 

“Are you happy?”

 

“Have I ever been?”

 

That's another harsh thing, he realizes. Sitting on the ledge of the fountain, he lets Aeleus do the same. There is a lot of dreadful sentences he could say. None would fix what he has thrown at the other before.

 

“I like to believe you were, that we haven't failed completely. If even one day was better at our side, then it's enough for me.”

 

“Saying such emotional things—how aggravating.”

 

He leans against the tall man anyway, only because no one will see it on the empty plaza. After a moment, wondering if his soaked clothes are not bothering the other, Ienzo feels the urge to add something.

 

“About earlier—”

 

“You meant your words, I am aware.”

 

“It does not justify saying them like I did.”

 

“Oh, have you finally learned how to apologize?”

 

“Who knows, don't expect too much. I'm glad you were there though, when I was younger.”

 

“I'm aware.”

 

None of this conversation has been helpful in regard to his lexicon, not that he has the right to complain.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! I received a lot of kudos, thank you. I really appreciate every single one. Oh, and KH3 is out! I've not been playing a lot yet, but I love it nonetheless.  
> Of course, now my interpretation of the trio might sounds a little off, something I feared. This fic isn't canon though. I'm almost done with it by the way. Only one more chapter. 
> 
> I definitely want to write more of their adventures in another arc.

 

        Pages twirl in the air, falling one after another until the floor is merely a graveyard for terrible ideas. There is no miracle possible, when neglect has been inside of him from the start. Neglect against his person, by parents who might have been another illusion, to his abandon of magic. Recovery is an ugly word, meaning so much at once. Having to forgive and move on, to learn rather than allow rage and resentment to win. How exhausting it is, to be human. Ienzo was fine with being a consequence of darkness lingering around a decrepit house. How simple it was, back then, to burn everything down to the ground.

Ah, the basement could receive a similar treatment! Erase the evidence, play the innocent! That sounds more like a child's whim than a real plan. He has awaited for his fateful discussion with Dilan, although it did not happen. How odd, there was a pattern up to that point. Ienzo finds little reprieve in avoiding to face one of his guardians. There is comfort in repetition, in errors akin to a broken record, playing endlessly until he has to cut his ears off. At least, that's familiar. He admires the mess he caused for a moment, the illusion of the lexicon bare from its beloved pages.

 

If only it was such a simple quest, to get the real one back.

 

Would Sora say the real lexicon was in his heart all along? The one beating under his ribcage. Fingers press against his chest, finding the right point. With a blade sharp enough, everything about this new found organ, still fresh and useful, would be lost.

 

_Ienzo-who-is-definitely-alive_ would rather not go to such length to get rid of boredom.

 

Banishing everything he has caused, he remains on the floor for a while, wood creaking under his meager weight. He should, at some point, decide of something. It doesn't have to be significant. Opting for a meal, for example, would already bring a sparkle of interest in his mind. Oh well, for now, the floor is enough. His nose is invaded by dust all at once, making him sneeze loudly. Cleaning is not optional either.

Footsteps echo in the hallway, loud and brisk, as if someone was running. Must be an emergency. Or a mere visit— so, have his bright heroes returned? Should he greet them properly for once. Welcome back sounds useless. There isn't much happiness in being there, in a castle many would judge disturbing and morbid. These terms could be in his biography on every page, he realizes with a lopsided grin.

They have long given up on pretending to be polite, omitting to knock as they barge in together. He half-expects a keyblade to be thrown in his face. Instead, they stare at each other for a while, the ex-apprentice remaining on the floor, watching the world from his upside down perspective. No matter the position, Lea's hair does not understand gravity.

 

“Are you playing dead?” He asks, confused.

 

“I wouldn't engage in such activity without you. After all, who else would manage to tell if I appear lifeless enou—”

 

“Chill, dude. Seriously, we arrived less than five seconds ago. No death reference for at least ten minutes.”

 

“I can comply with that.”

 

Kairi is carrying a suitcase, one who is apparently heavy in her hands. Or perhaps it's not its weight which is dragging her down. Sitting up, Ienzo takes a moment to brush dust off his hair (still no haircut, much to Even' shame). So, what is the plan this time around? Do they intend on dragging him into some nonsensical mess they created? Ah, Ienzo is well-acquainted with mistakes, so he could certainly be useful on such adventure. That's odd, to suddenly see what's beyond the castle, when he intended on remaining there forever not long ago.

 

“Are you two planning to go on a trip? Is this farewell, then?”

 

Such an aggressive thing to say! Ah, he is definitely terrible, still.

 

“Kind of,” Lea concedes, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

He wonders why they would have thought of his beloved lexicon ripped apart in front of their eyes. That's the kind of conversation which can await for another day. Back on his feet, he awaits their glorious explanation, trying to hide the— emotion in his chest. Something bitter, causing his throat to be dry without any warning. Is their training already finished? That sounds impossible, they cannot have learned enough so quickly, no matter how they practice in a place where time doesn't exist.

 

“You're coming with us.”

 

And Kairi could have added a slight 'if you want to, of course'. Yet, she does not. And Ienzo cannot help it, honestly. Laughter comes out before anyone can understand what's happening. Is this kidnapping, he'd like to ask. Impossible to do so, as his shoulders are shaking as he sits on his bed. Really, that's what they are here for? To— as friends? The hopeless trio, people should call them. Oh wait, no, the ones who got fucked by adults. That's much more appropriate.

That's a shame they don't inquire if he's okay. The answer would definitely be a big no. How do they expect him to go on an adventure without his lexicon? What is he meant to fight with? Science? He isn't Even, running on caffeine and the firm belief he's always right. That wouldn't work! Oh, there is always the possibility of playing the person in distress, shielded by his brave heroes. Has Lea gotten rid of his habit of attacking friends and foes at the same time? Perhaps. Who knows.

Is laughter meant to die on its own after a while? It would be appreciated, as he is fairly certain that hysteria isn't that far. The mattress winces under added weight, and Kairi lets out a big sigh while Lea is trying to adjust his long legs without pushing them off.

 

“You have a good laugh,” she tells him, and Ienzo snorts.

 

Does he? Oh, that's not as if he was given many opportunities to hear it. Chuckling darkly in a basement, for sure. Anything else is—

 

“Take your time to digest the whole thing, it's cool.”

 

Lea is holding the pillow against his chest, squeezing it gently. No respect for private property or anything! How would they even survive outside without him? Shit, he _does_ sound like Even, send help. Once he is able to calm down, throat feeling strained from the effort, Ienzo feels better. As if— there used to be a weight pressing against his ribcage and now it's gone. That's not understandable from a scientist's point of view, yet he is also human. The boring part of himself.

 

“I remember telling you my lack of interest for such possibility.”

 

“Leaving the castle would be ruining what you have been brought back for? Finding the key to retrieve Roxas, right?”

 

He nods at Kairi, trying to push everything away once more. The sentence hasn't worked on Lea the first time around though, so he doubts he has a chance now.

 

“Bring your research with you, for what we care,” Lea throws the pillow at him, only for Ienzo to catch it instead, “We are friends too, remember. The whole package deal, we laugh, we cry, we annoy the shit out of you.”

 

Yes, the last part, Ienzo is familiar with.

 

“Is your training truly finished?”

 

“Sora and Riku learned by fighting and interacting with people. We cannot remain in a world away from everything until we master our keyblades, it's not how it works. For the basics it was great, but...”

 

“Kairi, may I ask if you have asked your mentors before—”

 

“Nope, we're doing this our way.”

 

“The one where we run on being impulsive and no self-control.”

 

Ienzo can tell they do possess some. In the same way he is certain they have at least left a note before putting themselves first in favor of their destiny. That's amusing nonetheless, to imagine these two causing disasters no matter where they go— Better not underestimate them. After all, they are _his_ _only_ _friends_.

 

Kairi pushes the suitcase in his lap, her smile growing wider.

 

“We even got these made for you before leaving. It took some convincing but which kind of hero doesn't need a brand new outfit— except if your name is Lea and you need three months to be convinced of leaving your black coat behind.”

 

“I wanted to cling to the angst of my past, okay?”

 

“Don't we all?” Ienzo sighs, hesitating as he stares at the object. Has he suggested, in any way, that he was fine with going with them? He doubts it, honestly. Isn't it how they work though? Dragging each other back into the light when they find them mopping over old feelings? He opens the suitcase slowly, deliberately taking his time to do so.

 

It's only when a knee presses against his back, and Kairi's elbow encounters his ribs, that he lifts the lid.

 

“Plaid?”

 

“That's the new trend, don't ask,” Lea stares at his own outfit, red and black matching nicely.

 

Fashion has never been one of Ienzo's priorities. Not when he grew up around shirts stained by coffee and what was left of their experiments.

 

“Go get changed!”

 

That's great, to push him up, yet they are in his bedroom, and there is no way he's going to change in front of them. Awaiting for them to leave, he realizes they are fine with laying on his bed for the time being. Such terrible people, he whispers to himself before walking into the bathroom, package in his arms.

 

 

        No mirror there either. There are monsters he cannot face, distorting what is meant to be real. The scar has ceased to vanish though. It's a constant, one who doesn't expand when fear takes over, nor it's hidden to conceal his mistakes. He appreciates this growth he cannot truly explain, the illusion of safety he has built around himself.

One day, he will pay a price for this. There is no way he is going to be allowed a reprieve for too long. The world has never had much kindness for childish monsters, the ones who burn houses down and bask into self-loathing and darkness each time they do not obtain what they seek.

The fabric is light against his body, once he's done. A lavender shirt reaching his elbows, covered by a black sleeveless jacket. He appreciates the hood, same shade as the shirt. There are hints of the color all around the outfit. From the pockets to cuff of his pants. He has no way to stare at his reflection, which prompts him to turn around for a moment, trying to catch a glimpse of everything. Black cropped pants and colorful shoelaces on the boots, he notes. Ienzo cares little about the details, in the end. But it's an outfit made for him. Oh, one who is missing a little something. An illusion could do the trick, for now. He grabs the sewing kit from the cabinet, leaving it on the edge of the sink. Later, he'll add his own touch permanently. Fingers run against the back of his neck and he allows himself a reminder.

 

_Ienzo-who-is-Ienzo-who-was-Zexion._

 

The schemer was an amazing title, for a child who wanted to be seen. Ah, was it a trick, a way to convince him to be someone else? In the same way it's difficult to call a villain 'the silent hero'.

 

He hates Xehanort, for taking everything.

More than he loathes himself for being manipulated though.

 

And, in itself, that's a miracle. So much progress at once.

 

 

         “Here comes the hero of darkness, Ienzo!” He cannot help it. To behave in such childish manner is certainly not fitting of an ex-apprentice. That's a great day though, the kind where he wants to hang around Kairi and Lea for as long as he can. Perhaps he has grown clingy, or rather interested in them. That's difficult to comprehend, considering how they bothered him at first. They still do, in a less aggravating way.

 

“Hero of darkness?” They stare, Kairi chuckling as Lea is trying to decipher if he was replaced by a clone while in the bathroom.

 

And, to show them, he turns around, earning a soft gasp from both at once.

 

In the back of his jacket, a VI is engraved in the same lavender shade as the hood. It's big enough so no one will be able to miss it. They do not have to understand. In fact, no one has. That's— burden would not be the right word. His childhood perhaps? Yes, that's what he is carrying by his side. Not as a dead weight, only as a reminder of what happened. He is far from being a hero, obviously. That was merely a joke, one draped in irony.

If Ienzo was too kind, he would certainly die of boredom.

 

“No word of praise? It's an illusion, although I will sew the number on my back later.”

 

“Why?” Lea's tone is raspy, filled with incomprehension. Coming from someone who refused to let go of his coat, that's foolish, isn't it?

 

“Just because I can.”

 

There is a long pause, as Kairi observes the boys while they await for a reaction of either side. She is aware there won't be a declaration of war, that's not how they are any longer. Yet, for someone who is always trapped in her friends' problems, it's obvious she's not at ease with whatever is happening. She doesn't bother hiding it any longer though, frown on her face.

 

“Lea?”

 

He inhales sharply, mistake on the tip of his tongue.

 

“Could you sew an eight on mine?” He traces the familiar VIII shape in the air, fingers trembling slightly. And there is relief all at once, washing over them.

 

“I see no reason to refuse.”

 

He leaves the room to return not long after with his sewing kit, sitting between them. If he messes up, he'll ask Dilan to fix it. The other isn't too bad at sewing.

 

“So, should I be number fourteen to match with your guys?”

 

“No.”

 

While he is tracing the pattern on paper, ready to pin it against the jacket on his lap to know where to sew later, Ienzo is taken aback by Lea' sudden reply to Kairi's question. Oddly, he has to agree. As if there was someone already filling this role— nonsensical!

 

_Or maybe not._

 

“You can be number four though— The old man isn't that useful.”

 

“Bold words form a traitor, Lea.”

 

“Oh defending your father figure?”

 

“Even is more of a bother figure, if you ask me.”

 

The bickering appears to have helped Kairi to relax, as she moves to lean against his back, laughing softly. After a moment, while he is working, he notices the sound of a pen moving against paper and Lea playing with his gummiphone.

 

“Writing a letter?”

 

“To myself, yes. A way to express my feelings.”

 

That sounds like a great concept. He should try it one day, rather than pushing everything as deep as he can. Before he's about to reply, the distinct sound of a camera resonates, causing Ienzo to blink.

 

“A memory,” Lea shrugs, showing them the picture of the two working with their backs against each other, “we need to make plenty of those on our journey.”

 

For once, Ienzo agrees.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, the conclusion of the first part! Thank you for your support, it has been a long year. I'm really proud I managed to finish this, although I intend on starting the following part when I can (I've created the 'dawn trio' series, so it'll be easier to find once I publish it!) because this story is far from being over. 
> 
> Lycanthrowup has drawn Ienzo's outfit in the most amazing way! You can find the link in the comments for chapter 13, please go take a look at it (and show support to this amazing artist!). I'm super grateful, thanks again. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this last chapter~

         Once, they stood at the end of the world, having caused it. There were screams and regrets—although he isn't so sure on the second part—nothing to be done. And, once more, the apprentices have infiltrated this place, seeking control of it in the name of science and other words of deceit they appreciate so much. The cynical part of Ienzo wonders if they'll return to another graveyard, on top of the one they created back then, ruins greeting them and Even laughing in a corner, on the verge of hysteria. _It was all for a greater good, you foolish child_ , he would claim. How Ienzo would laugh alongside him at such nonsense! And then the others—the ones bearing light, rising their weapons, annihilating another traitor—one more pitiful ending. Ah, there are doubts, countless of them. They spread under his skin until he has to remind himself that's a golden cage he ought to leave.

 

The door has been open this whole time, a shame it took him so long to notice!

 

Ienzo has little to pack, which is for the best, as his guardians keep on making suggestions which end up sounding like orders. _The child I was died, remember! You did not care enough back_ _then_ _(a lie, they did), so do not tell me to bring more sweaters on my journey now!_ How tiring. He nods without listening, talented at that. Growing up in a lab does not mean he has mastered all the safety rules. Or else, he wouldn't work with his hair in front of his face half of the time. Right now, it's pinned back with hair clips, a brand new habit. He has many of those. What if he is turning into a fourth version of Ienzo? Oh, that would be a bother, he is still not used to the third one.

 

“No need to fret over me as if you were parental figures,” he reminds his mentors while staring at what might be the ugliest sweater in existence. He fears this belonged to Braig, although he has no choice but to deal with clothes which do not perfectly fit, handed down one after another as he grew up. Outside of his hero outfit of course. He has finished sewing Lea's number on his not long before, proud of the result. If they encounter the brand new organization, surely they can show them who are the real bearers of these titles. As Kairi told him, no other child is allowed to die for such terrible thing. He has to admit it would be an inconvenience, if he were to witness his own life repeating in front of his eyes.

 

“As if you were trustworthy! You would only go with one outfit if you could!”

 

“Are you sure you're not addressing your own terrible life choices there, Even? I would definitely pack at least two.”

 

“You enjoy pissing me off, don't you?”

 

“Who knows.”

 

Without much care, Ienzo pushes the sweater back in the man's hands, before closing his suitcase. That's enough, it's not as if he couldn't get new clothes on the way. Oh, traveling across worlds he is unfamiliar with might be an interesting adventure. Or a convenient way to die. Both can be fascinating, he guesses.

He could suggest an empty promise, something about returning safely, or his guardians not inviting darkness inside in his absence. That's good they are above such juvenile expectations. He merely has to mutter something about bringing data back for Even to work on, share a short embrace with Aeleus, and allow Dilan to press a palm against his shoulder for nine seconds, and he is free to go. He should have one that a long time ago, honestly.

 

 

          Awaiting on the steps outside, they are here! The mighty heroes, wearing their battle armor with smiles on their faces. They match nicely, don't they? Ienzo throws Lea's jacket at his face, enjoying the annoyed gleam in his eyes. At least, one of them can sew to save his life. He'd rather not travel with holes everywhere in his brand new outfit. The first one which truly makes him feel young and not like an old scientist allergic to the sun!

 

“Have you decided of a name for our brilliant trio?”

 

“Hello to you too, Ienzo.”

 

“Oh yes, formalities. Hello, _beloved friends_ , where are we headed?” He snickers at the faces they offer in return. That's the kind of joke which can work from time to time, with the right tone. He cannot wait to practice, taking them by surprise when he feels like it.

 

“Where we want, and we haven't found a name yet. Have you?”

 

“Failure trio sounded delightful at first. Then, I realized that including you in such name would be offensive, without a doubt. Therefore I suggest the Dawn trio. A poignant homage to Twilight Town and Lea's old friendship with Roxas, and of course, our rebirth. Since dawn leads to the day, and you're a princess of light, it fits everyone. Doesn't it?”

 

While he is speaking, too fast again, Lea is busy turning around to see the number stitched on the back of his jacket. He should have done that beforehand perhaps. Or maybe he did, albeit not long enough. By the time he is done, Lea glares at him with the strength of a thousand suns in his eyes.

 

“That's not an _old_ friendship! It's still—you can be friend with someone while they sleep inside the heart of another guy you almost killed once.”

 

“Oh yes, obviously. Do you approve of the name nonetheless?”

 

“I'm surprised you didn't stick to your first choice, it was _so_ fitting for your life, but yeah it's cool with me.”

 

“You put a lot of care into picking this name, so I approve of it. By the way, I'm our pilot. I've practiced.”

 

Lea sighs, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

“Remember when I threw my keyblade at her on accident during training? I'd say learning to pilot was her way to make me pay for this.”

 

Ienzo watches as she elbows him, arguing they are both improved a lot and she doesn't even need to use the autopilot any longer. Fantastic! Should he have written a will before leaving home? Ah, it's too late to go back. Turning around would mean finding the other apprentices standing in front of a window, staring at him like parents being heartbroken at their kid leaving for the first time. How nostalgic. Except for the fact Zexion went on missions to cause mayhem without anyone caring not many years ago.

 

“I guess you taught yourself, that's impressive.”

 

“There was no one who could be bothered to do it so I had to try,” she smiles, although he notices a slight strain behind the expression. Of course, Sora and Riku did the same thing, and everyone expected them to manage themselves without assistance. Yet, that's maybe not such a great thing, to tell children to save the world without providing appropriate assistance. It causes some of them to throw their bodies right in the middle of danger to compensate, to show they are worthy. If Kairi becomes like this—let's say Ienzo would rather not bury anyone else. He couldn't care as a child, and it hasn't changed much.

 

“I would certainly be a disaster, thus I'm counting on you as the designated driver.”

 

Coordination is a skill he only has when it's related to his powers. Even that is questionable though, since the lexicon refuses to return to its master. How he longs for its presence once more. The power to cause nightmares to his enemies, what a delight it was.

 

“We got scolded by the others, for leaving. So we might get, like, a couple of angry messages from time to time,” Lea admits with a frown as they climb inside, “as if we couldn't do anything on our own.”

 

Ienzo would love to ramble about Even saying he isn't trustworthy, although it might not be on the same level. After all, he isn't exactly a space runaway wanting to the save the world as a hero in training. Or perhaps he is, in his own way? Dropping his suitcase at his feet, he hums softly.

 

“I could claim to have been kidnapped by foolish criminals, getting dragged across the galaxy against my will.”

 

“No one would believe you, it shows when you're having fun, you know?” Kairi turns around to grin at him, and this time, he can feel she is sincere.

 

“Does it? I have to work on my mysterious face a little more then.”

 

Hair clips are removed one after another, until he is back to what's more comfortable. Around Radiant Garden, he couldn't care less. Facing outsiders with such appearance… That's still too difficult right now. He missed a comment from Lea, certainly something between a joke and an insult. Not a big loss, then.

 

As Radiant Garden turns into a memory he is leaving behind for a while, Ienzo crosses his hands on his lap, wondering about what is to come. There are too many possibilities, he'd rather not burden himself with any of them right now. It's fine to trust—friends? Yes, that's who they definitely are. Still a bother, yet companions he is willing to trust this time around.

 

“Buckle up, we're going in!”

 

The warning makes him blink as he grabs his seat belt. In front of them, asteroids have formed a dangerous path. Something wicked, heartless floating not far away from where the ship is. Dark corridors were more convenient, as long as you didn't have a soul left to lose.

 

“I've always dreamed to say that, it feels so exciting.”

 

“Oi, you say it _every time._ ”

 

“Usually we do not have Ienzo around, it makes everything different.”

 

“So I'm just some guy you travel with and he's the cool one?”

 

“Maybe~”

 

“While I appreciate to see you bickering over my hypothetical value to the team, I do believe we should focus on that giant robot who is slowly but surely coming towards us.”

 

There is panic, voices rising until he wonders what's the usefulness of having seat belt when the monster's fist is bigger than their ship. Surely the odds of them being crushed to death are slightly higher than they should be. Why is there such heartless around there though? That's fascinating, and he would be more willing to focus on that, if not for the way Kairi has to suddenly throw them in the middle of floating rocks to avoid an attack.

 

“We are definitely not fighting that! Try to flee!”

 

“What do you think I'm doing, Lea?”

 

“I don't know, and honestly I'm scared to ask!”

 

As his suitcase slides from one side of the ship to another, Ienzo can almost hear Even shouting 'I told you so' which is unfortunate. As if the Dawn trio could be defeated so easily! Better not underestimate any of them, as they are something hopeful, a little wicked at times, yet trying to move on and protect the world this time around.

Even if they turn into terrible children, causing harm everywhere they go, the look of pure terror of Lea's face as the gummi ship spins on itself, putting them upside down for one second, is entirely worth the difficult journey. He has to grab his suitcase in the panic, clenching it against his chest so it doesn't fly around as Kairi maneuvers with all her heart.

 

“Demyx would have enjoyed this greatly, I believe,” Ienzo teases, once against upside down for a moment due to another attack, “you should try to relax Lea, put more trust in our pilot.”

 

“Will you shut up already?!”

 

“Make me.”

 

Difficult without leaving their seats, isn't it? Once they reach their destination, Ienzo will have to be careful for a couple of hours, he supposes. Nothing too difficult.

 

“There's nothing dangerous on the radar, we've done it.”

 

There is pride in Kairi's voice as she excitedly starts to tell them about a world close enough for them to reach it soon. It's great, the concept of putting his feet on the ground is also quite tempting to Ienzo honestly. As for Lea, who is breathing heavily, hand over his heart—oh well, he'll get used to this, right?

 

“You ought to teach me to pilot next time, Kairi.”

 

In retrospect, the Keyblade thrown at his seat less than five seconds later should have been expected. He watches as the weapon vanishes, having landed a couple of centimeters away from his head.

 

“Sorry, that was an accident,” the other mumbles while glancing at the floor. For once, Ienzo believes him, as he is certainly still too used to his old weapons and the habit of threatening people. He threw on instinct.

 

“It's fine, you missed after all.” Dying so early on wouldn't be pleasant.

 

 

 

How exciting, this is going to be an amazing trip.


End file.
